• Variations upon, "And the world ended not with a bang but with a whisper." Irony is like a drug to super villains, and thus this usually precedes or follows an explosion designed to inspire awe.
• Silly super villains are among the easiest to spot. They say things along the lines of, "And I'll get your little dog too."
• A claim to being god or the grim reaper. (Usually in a delightfully irreverent tone).
• A threat to do something physiologically improbable to the hero and his family. More times than not involving kitchen appliances and small animals
• Silly super villains also like to talk to the people they beat up. While often laced with profanity, more common are references to the hero's sister's skill at fellatio.
• Most villains often claim to be able to see the truth in people's eyes. Super villains rant and rave about the eyes and their direct link to the soul.
• Part of being a super villain is being the spokesman for Evil. Super villains love to remind us of how much more fun it is to be evil. [While this is true in my experience, this usually leads to more cool, dry wit from the hero and a hardening of their resolve to kill said spokesman.]
• Super villains love to sing childhood songs (Oh Susanna!, Camp Town Races, Mary Had a Little Lamb, etc) while performing despicable acts. [Please note that despicable acts make a villain, not a super villain]
• While quoting Shakespeare, Milton and Dante are required reading for villains, ONLY super villains stop in the midst of gun/sword/ship battles and quote them. Invariably with an exaggerated English accent. [FYI No English person has yet been identified as a super villain.]
• Villains usually believe in family values. Super villains value their families as potential hostages. It's a subtle difference. Watch for it.

Go to the main page.

Return to Online Tribute to Cronan Thompson.