The GIR unit.... it's not stupid, it's advanced!

Another fine product from the evil bastards at Death Inc.

Finally, the product that has been time-tested by the Irken Empire is available to you! The GIR is an automated information retrieval robot which is programmed to passively process and assimilate situational data, effectively becoming your own personal robot minion! The GIR can be commanded to perform various covert missions and transform into a rocket-propelled personal conveyance, and includes an "attack mode" for emergency situations. It's also a Thermos!

Additionally, the GIR is equipped with the following standard features:

• A behavior modification chip, allowing the unit to blend in with its surroundings, or carry out a variety of missions and commands.

• USB, Firewire, and Serial connection ports to link up with your personal computer or PDA.

• Unit is programmed with a variety of cooking techniques, and a comprehensive database of recipes. (Though admittedly, roughly 60% of the recipes are for waffles.)

• A clever "dog" disguise to hide its roboticity at no extra charge!

• Act now and we'll even throw in a free taco!

See our TV ad during the Scary Monkey Show!

Testimonials:

• "I was working on my latest ingenious plan to subjugate the lowly humans of Earth, when my annoying arch-nemesis came running to try to stop me. What was he doing there anyway? We were in the middle of downtown! Anyway, on command, my GIR unit launched a sandwich from his head at extreme velocities, crushing my enemy against the adjacent wall! Sure, it's got a few eccentricities, but my GIR never lets ZIM! down. Well, except for that one time. Oh, and that other time.... anyway...." --Zim, Irken Invader and Escaped Foodcourtia Banishee
   
• "My GIR is my best friend, besides television. One time, we sang a song for like forty-five hours! He kept going even when my boyfriend pushed my Shut The Fuck Up^™ Button! Eventually we broke the damn thing, together! And with my GIR around, I can have waffles whenever I want them!" --Bevin Conners, Chief Goddess of Pain and Wanton Destruction and Minister of Pseudo-Sock Puppets, The World Oligarchy
   
• "As soon as I got my GIR, I sent it to the labs for analysis and managed to get Windows ME installed on him. Let me tell you, this is one machine that ME is actually an improvement on! Now I can take my GIR everywhere, and I know that I always have instant access to my databases, my 27 PDA's, and my secret global network of tracking devices! And I can use him as an escape vehicle whenever someone sues me for anti-trust violations!" --Bill Gates, Microsoft Founder and CEO

Disclaimer: Death Inc. is not responsible for death, destruction, mayhem, or loss of person or property resultant from normal use of the GIR unit. Side effects of GIR unit proximity include alien invasion, appearance of random cartoonists, aphasia, taco and/or waffle cravings, germ phobia, spontaneous dancing, head explodey, maiming of solicitors, and sticky bottoms. Removal of pocket lint from the unit's head will void warranty.

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