Director of the United Fascist Union attempts to join the World Oligarchy
The following Oligarchy membership application arrived one evening. (FYI - the application form can be found here, for any prospective members.)
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 2003 13:24:52 -0500 (EST) From: Web admin Subject: Joining THE TRUE RELIGION Personal Info -------- ---- From: J. Grimes Address: joanne_parker20@hotmail.com Homepage Title: United Fascist Union 2004 election site URL: http://www.ufu.gq.nu Gender: male Weight on the moon in Newtons: Rolls of Duct Tape: Sandwiches last week: Favorite Snacky Cake: Occupation or student level: Previous religion: Grecco/Roman Pagan Locale: Entrance Survey -------- ------ 1. Is a frog's ass water tight? A: I plead the Fifth. 2. Potatoes? A: Pro 3. What is your political affiliation? A: Drunken New Year's Eve Party 4. Are you familiar with the glories of Cröonchy Stars cereal? A: Huh? 5. What is the most evil thing in the universe? A: other than President Bush??????????????? 6. Where did you hear about The World Oligarchy? A: James Mason Comments: I lead the United Fascist Union, and would like to be on "Radio Free Canada". If your interested call (570) 779-5679. VOTE FASCIST 2004!!!! New object or deity: I like Satan, lucifer and the other Gods & Goddesses of Rome. Because they represent the elements of nature. I don't lihe the Christian God as he seems silly to me and I think this Jesus Christ was a false prophet. ELECT "JACK GRIMES" US PRESIDENT 2004!!!!
Initially, we were skeptical about his Presidential bid on the Fascist ticket, but with a bit of research, we found that the guy was indeed for real. We found an interesting bio on a political website, which includes these choice quotes:
"Grimes explains he wants to restore a New World Order based upon the governmental style of Imperial Rome 'to institute a military dictatorship form of government over the Earth.'"
"Grimes believes that 'the psychic is the next great step in the evolution of humankind on this planet.'"
"Best of all is the Discussion Boards section of his site, in which Grimes exalts his followers to worship Satan -- plus you can read about the problem he was having getting to a campaign event in another state (because Mom's car was broken, etc.)"
We also explored Grimes' own campaign website, as linked in his application. One of our favorite items from that site is a transcript of his 1998 speech to the Flying Saucer Society of Dover, Delaware, in which he explained the deals that the U.S. government and Nazi German government have made with the evil Grey Aliens and the Cavern Dwellers from the center of the earth, as well as the Gestapo tactics of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (which is in league with the Illuminati). He also mentioned his appearance on the Jerry Springer show.
Though we considered allowing him into the Oligarchy for comic relief, we ultimately decided to send him the following rejection.
Mr. Grimes, We appreciate your interest in joining The World Oligarchy; however, after running a background check, we have decided to deny your application for membership. Looking at several of the speeches on your website, we have decided that you are a certifiable nutcase. You see, we at the Oligarchy seek willing pawns for our organization, and encourage members to run for public office; however, you appear to have your own agenda. The reason why we seek pawns is that once all the required pieces fall into place, the World Oligarchy will rise into unimaginable power, far surpassing even that of the U.S. government, the United Nations, or FEMA. However, we do not believe that fascism is the answer. We desire the power for ourselves, in the form of a theocratic dictatorship. Surely by reading the teachings on the Holy Website, you have determined this for yourself. The fact is, the Old Gods are dead. And we have killed them. We regret the necessity of bringing this message to you via e-mail. We considered meeting you in person, but unfortunately, Wayland recently had a haircut and therefore could not generate enough power to run the Mustang. I'm sure you understand how restricting car trouble can be. And though you did provide us with your telephone number, we deemed the expense for the long-distance call could be put to better use in furthering our goals. Hail to the Three Gods of Sandwichmaking! --- Brendan Dillon Wayland Phillips Co-Rulers of the World
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