Congressional Recruiting
(Brendan Dillon)
If this doesn't get the FBI's attention, nothing will.
Several years ago, I bought some Oligarchy business cards online. As a result, my address wound up on a multitude of business-oriented mass marketing lists. To this day, I get ads addressed to me as the "President" or "CEO" of The World Oligarchy several times a week.
Recently, I received a letter from a Congressman Richard Burr of North Carolina. He is running for the U.S. Senate this year on a platform friendly to small business, and has been soliciting donations from these same marketing lists.
I couldn't resist sending him a letter to tell him what the Oligarchy really is. I mailed him response inviting him to work for us within Congress, under a full-color Oligarchy letterhead.
Here is a transcription of Congressman Burr's letter. My response is below.
Monday Morning
Dear Brendan:
I know you're very busy running your
business, so I will get right to the point.
I'm running for the U.S. Senate on a platform of bringing jobs and economic growth to North Carolina. In order to achieve this goal, I need your help.
Please give me two more minutes of your time and I will tell you why joining my Business Advisory Board is the most effective step you can take toward building a better North Carolina.
My Business Advisory Board is made up of business leaders from around North Carolina who want to make a difference in getting our economy back on track and who understand that we need a voice in Washington who knows that small business is truly the engine that drives our economy.
Because of my background in business and my strong, pro-business record in Congress, many of my earliest supporters are business men and women like you, Brendan. If you join my Business Advisory Board today, you will unite with my other supporters and become an important part of a winning team.
I'm asking members of my Business Advisory Board to contribute at least $500 right now -- while it is still early in the campaign. If you can give $1,000, or the $2,000 legal maximum, that would provide an additional boost.
But no matter what you decide to contribute, I need you with me now -- from the very beginning.
As a member of my Business Advisory Board, I will be sure to invite you to public and private events when I am campaigning in your area. And I will include you on our campaign email advisories so you can keep up with the campaign and provide input.
I hope you will join our team without further delay. Your immediate help will have a powerful impact.
Expert observers believe this U.S. Senate race will be perhaps the closest and most hard fought in the nation in 2004. Recent polls bear this out: some have me ahead of my opponent; others show me slightly behind. This up and down roller coaster is likely to continue up to Election Day.
The important thing is to focus on building a winning campaign. So far, I'm pleased with our progress. We've put $5 million in the bank -- right on schedule with our plan and we're building a strong grassroots organization.
We're going to use these funds to tell the voters about my record. In Congress, I have been a strong advocate of improving our trade agreements to make them fair to North Carolina manufacturers and workers. I've been a strong supporter of low taxes and less government red tape. And I have worked hard to help President Bush promote economic growth that creates new jobs.
The good news is: President Bush's economic recovery plan is working to put an end to the Clinton recession. Tens of thousands of new jobs are being created each month and the national economy is growing strong again.
Now our challenge is to make sure these gains are felt in North Carolina.
As your U.S. Senator, I will work with Senator Dole and President Bush to bring jobs and growth to North Carolina.
Brendan, President Bush is relying on us to run a strong Republican campaign in North Carolina and to help strengthen his Republican Senate majority by winning this seat.
Can I count on your
help? Please let me know today. With warm personal regards, I am
Sincerely yours,
Richard Burr
Member of Congress
P.S. Brendan, I cannot stress to you enough how much your support will mean to this campaign. I need North Carolina business leaders to take an active role in this race and help me deliver my message. By sending your generous contribution of $500, $1000, or the maximum legal contribution of $2,000 you will be taking on an early leadership role on the Burr Team. I hope I can count on your membership in my Business Advisory Board.
 |
From the Office Of: Brendan Dillon, Co-Ruler of the World |
Congressman Burr,
I want to thank you on behalf of all The World Oligarchy’s senior officials for your letter explaining your campaign platform. I should probably explain to you the nature of The World Oligarchy. It is not a business, per se; rather, we are a small but growing group of individuals who wish to consolidate all of the world’s power into a single government, to be run by ourselves. As unusual as this may seem, we have found a number of supporters for our cause. And in exchange for our support in your campaign, we would like to invite you to be a part of our push for global rule.
I believe that our goals and yours are complimentary, so you do not have to worry about betraying your constituents. You see, upon our takeover of the world, the seat of power will be established in our hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina. This will undoubtedly give the local economy an enormous boost, attracting business of all types from around the world.
If you agree to pledge yourself to our cause, your support will not go unrewarded. Not only will we contribute generously to your campaign, we will guarantee you a seat in our own government as well. So as many of your colleagues, who foolishly refuse to pledge their loyalty to The World Oligarchy, are purged from their positions of political power, your own power will only grow, to levels beyond what you could imagine currently.
All that we ask in exchange for all this is that when the time comes, you vote "yes." You see, we of the Oligarchy do not believe in bloody revolution and the days of old. Instead, we advocate change from within. As our support grows, more and more members of world governments will secretly be members of our cause. When our supporters constitute a majority, a bill will be passed which will sign power over to The World Oligarchy. At that point, we will come forward as the sole rulers of planet Earth.
In the meantime, your support will be held in the strictest confidence. Our political supporters are treated with the discretion often afforded to undercover spies. Certainly you would not want the voting public to catch wind of you making this deal; but I can assure you, you have nothing to fear.
You can learn more about the details of our cause at our website, http://www.holyducttape.com. Now, you may be wondering how secret our organization can be if we publish all the details on the internet. The answer, of course, is that if you really want to hide something, the best place to hide it is in plain sight. Many people stumble upon our website and assume that we are a bunch of lunatics; but nothing could be further from the truth. Our website has attracted supporters from all over the world and all walks of life. We have members deeply involved in business, education, and even the U.S. military. So, as you see, we are a very lucrative group to be a part of.
I hope that I can count on your support. Please let me know of your decision.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Brendan Dillon
Co-Ruler of the World
The World Oligarchy
Return to Letters to the Oligarchy.