From:    <brendan.dillon@xx.xxxx.xxx> 
To:      The World Oligarchy
Date:    Fri Dec 17, 2004 8:23 pm 
Subject: Re: [World Oligarchy] My return to the Oligarchy...


Toni Ward wrote:
> While there I also was able to gain new contacts via other
> prisoners to this Citadel of Christmas Debauchery. Working
> undercover, I was able to form a resistance group called P.A.S.S.
> (Persons Against Santa’s Shit)

On behalf of Oligarchy Intelligence, I would like to thank Toni and all other
P.A.S.S. agents for their stupendous work. The information they gathered has
allowed us to construct a much more complete report on this operative code named
"Santa Claus." You see, it has long been known that "Santa" has been a Communist
agent. His red uniform alone is enough to indicate this; however, his policy of
evenly distributing wealth in the form of toys among the world populace is
obviously the brainchild of a Commie. In recent decades, however, "Santa" has
come to symbolize rampant consumerism through the weeks between Thanksgiving and
Christmas, a seemingly anti-Communist activity. However, there is one place in
the world where Communism and consumerism have been united: China. And using the
intelligence gathered by P.A.S.S., we have confirmed our worst fears. "Santa
Claus" is, in fact, Chinese.

Though he hails to many names, his code name is an alteration of his real name,
Shan Ting Chang. He was one of Mao's first disciples, and participated in the
Long March; however, in later years he aligned himself with Mao's successor,
Deng Xiaoping, who is known for reforming the Chinese economy but continuing to
crush political dissent. This explains the change in Santa's methods.

Oligarchy Intelligence will continue to work side-by-side with P.A.S.S. to learn
as much as we can about the Santa Claus menace. Though our time is limited, we
hope to gather enough information by Christmas to prevent whatever evil plot he
has in store for the world's children this year.

--
Brendan, the Duct Tape Avenger, | brendan.dillon@xx.xxxx.xxx
GPG; 1SG, KPS OPC; SC, HQ, SURLI | http://www.holyducttape.com

"When I die I'm going to donate my body to science fiction."
     -Captain Infinity