Preamble.
We the People of the Oligarchy, in Order to form a more perfect World, establish Justice for some, insure the happiness of Brendan, Cronan, Wayland, and Jason (heretofore known as the Co-Rulers), provide for their well being, promote the True Religion, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to our Citizens and their Posterity, do ordain and establish with this Constitution The World Oligarchy.

Article I.

Section 1. All Powers, super human or otherwise herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the Oligarchy, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives. both of which shall defer to the Co-Rulers' wishes.
Section 2. The House of Representatives shall be composed of Citizens chosen every second year by the Prophets of the several nation-states. No Person shall be a Representative who has not attained the age of five years, and been seven years a citizen of the Oligarchy, and who shall, when elected, be an Inhabitant of this planet. Each nation state is awarded 1 Representative per pair of shoes owned by the senior prophet of a given a nation-state.
Section 3. The Senate of the Oligarchy shall be composed of two Senators from each nation-state, chosen by the Legislature thereof, for six Years; and each Senator shall have no vote.
Section 4. At no time is any member of the Congress of the Oligarchy to have anything that remotely resembles real power.
 

Article II.

Section 1. The real power shall be vested in our illustrious leaders, the Co-Rulers. They shall hold their Offices for life, i.e. forever, as they are immortal. All control over everything shall be theirs to confer as they see fit.
Section 2. The Co-Rulers shall be Commanders in Chief of the Army, Navy, and any other Armed Forces of the Oligarchy, when called into the actual Service of the Oligarchy; they shall have the Power to grant Reprieves and Pardons for Offences against the Oligarchy whenever they damn well please, except in cases of Stupidity.
Section 3. They shall from time to time give to the Congress Information they feel they need. The State of the Oligarchy is their business and his business alone.
Section 4. The Co-Rulers and all Prophets of the True Religion, shall never be removed from office in spite of Treason, Bribery, or other High Crimes and Misdemeanors.

Article III.

Section 1. The judicial Power of the Oligarchy, shall be vested in one supreme Court, and in such inferior Courts as the Congress may from time to time ordain and establish. The Judges, both of the supreme and inferior Courts, shall hold their Offices during good Behavior, and shall, at stated Times, receive for their Services, a Compensation, which shall not be diminished during their Continuance in Office.
Section 2. The judicial Power shall extend to all Cases, in Law and Equity, arising under this Constitution, the Laws of the Oligarchy, and Treaties made, or which shall be made, under their Authority;-to all Cases affecting Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls;-to all Cases of admiralty and maritime Jurisdiction;-to Controversies to which the Oligarchy shall be a Party;-to Controversies between two or more nation-states; between a nation-state and a Citizen of another nation-state;-between Citizens, and between a State, or the Citizens thereof, and foreign States, Citizens or Subjects.
Section 3. Treason against the Oligarchy, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort, or being generally stupid, as defined and redefined by the Oligarchy at any given Occasion. No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court, or if the Prophets feel like it. Upon conviction they will hung from the rafters and burnt at the stake.

Article IV.

Section 1. Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State. And the Congress may by general Laws prescribe the Manner in which such Acts, Records and Proceedings shall be proved, and the Effect thereof.
Section 2. The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States.
A Person charged in any State with Treason, Felony, or other Crime, who shall flee from Justice, and be found in another State, shall on Demand of the executive Authority of the State from which he fled, be delivered up, to be removed to the State having Jurisdiction of the Crime.
No Person held to Service or Labor in one State, under the Laws thereof, escaping into another, shall, in Consequence of any Law or Regulation therein, be discharged from such Service or Labor, but shall be delivered up on Claim of the Party to whom such Service or Labor may be due.
Section 3. New States may be admitted by the Congress into this Union; but no new State shall be formed or erected within the Jurisdiction of any other State, unless the Prophets feel like it; nor any State be formed by the Junction of two or more States, or Parts of States, without the Consent of the Legislatures of the States concerned as well as of the Congress, or unless the Prophets feel like it.
The Co-Rulers shall have Power to dispose of and make all needful Rules and Regulations respecting the Territory or other Property belonging to the Oligarchy; and nothing in this Constitution shall be so construed as to Prejudice any Claims of the Oligarchy, or of any particular State.
Section 4. The Oligarchy shall guarantee to every State in this Union a Republican Form of Government, and shall protect each of them against Invasion; and on Application of the Legislature, or of the Executive (when the Legislature cannot be convened) against domestic Violence.

Article V.

Should the Co-Rulers deem it necessary whenever they feel like it, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several nation-states, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments to the Co-Rulers, who, in either Case, shall modify this document as they please. To sum things up: we run things whether you like it or not. Get used to it.... or else
 

Article VI.

Citizenship is a privilege not a right. It, like all things of value, must be earned in manner indicative of its value. Commission of any crime shall lead to a review of citizenship by several jurists all of whom must themselves be citizens. All men are not created equal and shall be judged on this basis. At no time is anyone to be judged things established at or before birth (race, creed, gender, sexual orientation). After birth choices made are fair grounds for judgment (religion, political affiliation, preference in adhesive tapes).

Amendments

Amendment 1.
Congress shall make no law that is not approved by the prophets of the True Religion.
Amendment 2.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of our sovereigns, the Co-Rulers, shall be the only group allowed to possess and bear arms unless the Co-Rulers feel like it.
Amendment 3.
No one shall become a parent without passing a licensing test. This test will include screenings for genetic defects that may endanger the child including stupidity, banality and altruism.
Amendment 4.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. This is so, as is everything else in here, only if the Prophets feel like it.
Amendment 5.
Anyone who, in the course of their lives, manages to run afoul of the Co-Rulers shall be deprived of life, liberty and property.
Amendment 6.
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.
Amendment 7.
In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of The World Oligarchy, than according to the rules of the common law.
Amendment 8.
Cruel and unusual punishments shall be inflicted upon conviction regardless of age. Punishment, by its very nature, should be cruel and happen so rarely as to be a deterrent to further criminal acts
Amendment 9.
Any citizen having formed an opinion without pertinent information shall be, upon proof of malicious intent, shall lose all rights regardless of citizenship
Amendment 10.
The powers not delegated to the Co-Rulers by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the nation-states, are reserved to the nation-states respectively, or to the citizenry.
Amendment 11.
Any Ordinances or Laws ordered by the Co-Rulers shall be carried out or enforced immediately or at whatever time is set by the Co-Rulers. Consent of the Congress or People is voluntary and often ignored.