Loyal followers of The World Oligarchy, it is time for the truth to come out. As you know, the Oligarchy has tried to meddle in politics in the past to further our goals. One such instance was the 1992 Klinton election; for a time, Billy Bo Bob Klinton was an Oligarchy operative, and the election was fixed in his favor. Unfortunately, in those early years, our power was somewhat weak; Klinton soon proved to be a traitor and enemy of the Oligarchy, but it was too late. The arrangements could not be reversed.
Now, though we still have a long way to go, we have become much more powerful than eight years ago. We have fought two wars, grown our public follower base to 50 (Note: this only includes our True Religionist Prophet base, not the many undercover agents), and planted Oligarchy agents worldwide. So, earlier this year, when we realized that neither of the potential U.S. Presidential candidates were suitable for our needs, we decided to use the situation to our advantage, by doing everything we could to screw it up and, thus, lowering Americans' confidence in their leadership (as if they had any in the first place). This will lead to an easier transition when we are powerful enough to go public.
The question remained of who would be in charge of this endeavor. It was a fairly simple choice once we considered the options. Only one person in the Oligarchy had all the needed qualifications: a) political know-how; b) ability to infiltrate unnoticed (preferably invisible) and c) the concentrated evil necessary to pull off a stunt like this. That person is, of course, Norman the Elf.
As you know if you've paid attention to the Holy Website, Norman is a sadistic, blue, three-inch-tall, sometimes invisible elf who bears an uncanny resemblance to Bill Watterson's Calvin. For years he lived on Cronan's shoulder and represented the dark side of his personality. After Cronan's death -- er, promotion -- Norman went on sabbatical, and we didn't see him for a long time. When we decided that he was the one for this project, we set out to find him; we finally managed to locate him in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, drunk and asleep on the front porch of Delilah (the Duct Tape Class God)'s house, intending to stay there until she woke from her latest nap (even if it took a millennium) so he could ask her about Cronan's progress in Duct Tape Class Academy.
We collected him, and once he sobered up and would listen to reason, he was instructed in the details of this project and he agreed to take charge.
It was Norman who ensured that the "butterfly ballot" was used in Florida. Norman mesmerized 19,000 people into virtual idiocy in Palm Beach County, causing them to vote incorrectly. Hanging chads were designed with the style and finesse of Slartibartfast's fjords. And the courts.... well, the courts didn't really matter. It was predicted from the start that after a month, no one would care who won the election, and it was true; results didn't matter, only the mayhem. Al Gore responded exactly as Norman hoped; he danced through the Oligarchy's hoops like a whiny stepchild, while Gee Dubya sort of looked dumbfounded, waiting it out because he couldn't figure out what was going on.
The results are exactly as expected: what little faith Americans had in their election process is pretty much gone now. The United States is one step closer to accepting three General Purpose Gods as their Co-Rulers of the World. And it's all thanks to Norman.
We apologize for keeping our own followers in the dark about this, but it was necessary to keep things under wraps until it was over. We wouldn't want this to leak out to the public during deliberations, now would we?