The Hit List and The Leary List
The Hit List:
We designed the Oligarchy's hit list to be short and limited in scope. It is quite difficult to be placed on the hit list -- it requires a unanimous vote amongst Co-Rulers Brendan, Wayland, and Jason, and Senior Prophets Paul and Bevin. Since all five of them rarely agree entirely on anything, this design ensures that only the worst of the worst will find themselves on the hit list. Hits* will be carried out by Paul's minions at Death Incorporated.
- Carrot Top
- Kathy Lee Gifford
- Osama bin Laden
- Pauly Shore
- Steven Seagal
* Legal disclaimer: By "hit" we actually mean to physically hit these people, i.e., smack the bejeezus out of them. The World Oligarchy does not condone the murder of any person, no matter how annoying they are.
"Somebody should've walked up behind Elvis in '57 with a 44 magnum, put the barrel of the gun right up to his brain stem and just pulled the trigger, so you can remember Elvis in a nice way. Wouldn't it be nice to remember Elvis thin, with a big head of hair?" -Denis Leary
The people on this list are not necessarily evil or bad. Rather, they are people who reached their peak long ago, and have only embarrassed themselves since then. The Leary List will note some of these people, and at what point they should have been stopped, so that we could remember them the way we wanted to.
- Mike Tyson -- 1990, before the Douglas match
- Sylvester Stallone -- 1995, after Judge Dredd
- Michael Jordan -- 1999, before the Washington Wizards
- George Lucas -- 1994, before Young Indiana Jones and definitely before Star Wars: Episode I
- Elvis Presley -- 1964, after Viva Las Vegas
- Ric Flair -- 1994, when Ricky the Dragon Steamboat retired
- Jean-Claude Van Damme -- 1994, before Sudden Death
- Lenny Kravitz -- 1997, before 5 and before the barber shop
- Axl Rose -- 1994, when the band broke up
- Dave Matthews -- 2000, before Everyday
- William Shatner -- 1994, after Generations and before Priceline.com
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