The World Oligarchy's Senior Officials
 |
 |
The Co-Rulers of the World, New Year's 1999:
Cronan, Brendan, and Wayland. |
The Co-Rulers of the World, November 2004:
Wayland, Jason, and Brendan. |
The World Oligarchy has four levels of membership. The Co-Rulers of the World are our leaders and founders. Beneath the
Co-Rulers is a bicameral
body of senior members appointed by the Co-Rulers, known as the Council of Senior Prophets and the Council
of Junior Prophets. These
elite, powerful members advise the Co-Rulers, hold major titles and
often shape policy. Lowest are the Sheeplike Followers, the basic members of our
organization. Sheeplike Followers sometimes hold titles and rank, but have very
little power. Anyone who joins The World Oligarchy is automatically designated a
Sheeplike Follower, but they are occasionally promoted to Prophethood.
All of our members and officials are also members of THE TRUE RELIGION,
from which the Prophet ranks are derived. Any religious titles they hold are
listed here along with their titles and positions in the Oligarchy government.
If you think you have what it takes to
be a Sheeplike Follower in The World Oligarchy, join
us!
The Co-Rulers of the World, equal in
rank:
(Contact us at
)
- Brendan Dillon
(aka The Duct Tape Avenger, Antifrance, Brendarn, Mosquito Slayer, Wild Man, Stick,
CID, Pinky, Drimple, Road Guard Master, Sonny Jim, Fleet Admiral,
Foofkittybutt (please don't ask), Todo Hardbottle, Ba-Ba, The Taxman, The Bugleman, DIE SCUM),
Founder, Head Prophet, Co-Ruler of the World, Prophet
First Class, and General Purpose God.
Commander
of the Oligarchy Army, First Sergeant of the KPS
Oligarchy Peep Contingent,
Professor of Theology and History at Oligarchy University,
secret military operative, and Holy Sandwichmaker Apprentice.
- Wayland Phillips
(aka Terminal Writer, Ace, Smokey and the Black Lung, JMS, Style in Search of a Subject),
Head Prophet, Co-Ruler of the World, Prophet
First Class, and General Purpose God.
God of Electronics. Member of the Kamikaze Peep Squad. Head Mad Scientician and Professor of
Alconomics at Oligarchy University. Owner of The Mustang.
- Jason D. Smith
(aka Kurenai no Shi; The Carpetsaver), Head Prophet, Co-Ruler of the World, Prophet Otaku-Class, and General Purpose
God. Keeper of the Anime Archive, God of
Anime, and Supreme
Leader of Japan. Head of Graduate Studies at
Oligarchy
University's Alconomics Department.
- Plain and Simple Cronan (aka Cronan
Thompson, Nanorc, AI at JPL, Clueless Asshole or Man of a Million
Odors), Co-Founder, Head Prophet, Co-Ruler of the World, Prophet Zeroeth Class, Holy Sandwichmaker, and
Duct-Tape-Class God In Training. God of
Sandwichmaking and Member of the Kamikaze Peep Squad.
Cronan was promoted to Duct Tape Class God on November 1, 1999
and is no longer an active Prophet. He will return upon the World
Oligarchy's public takeover. (In reality, Cronan died of lymphoma
cancer on that date. He was a good friend to us all and we're
not about to take him off the list just because of some minor
detail like death.) Please visit our Online
Tribute to Cronan Thompson.
The Council of
Senior Prophets:
- Bevin Conners (aka Captain Random and Kindlechan), Prophet
Delirium-Class and Senior
God. She Who Must Be Obeyed; Chief Goddess of Pain and
Wanton Destruction; Oligarchy Secretary of Defense; Minister
of Pseudo-Sock Puppets; Master of Ceremonies; Possessor of the
Green Hooded Sweatshirt; Our Lady of the Screaming Power Drill; Queen of Artsy Indie Movies; Head of
Oligarchy University's Departments of Professional
Demoralization, Annoyance, and Cute; Holy Smoker of the Holy Infinite
Crack Rock; and Continental Governor of Australia, Japan, and the Pacific.
Wanted by the
OCB.
Bevin is a demon, since she uses
gaffer's tape on occasion, and has worked as an evil telemarketer. But in most religions, demons are
more fun to hang out with than angels anyway. Look at early Christianity.
The demons were doing all the fun stuff, like having sex, while
if God wanted someone dead, He sent an angel to do the job. Who
would you rather be with? (We also have a poem to describe Bevin:
"She flies through the air, screaming your name, and those
who she lands on are never the same." Okay, so we didn't
really make it up, but it fits her.) Also, Bevin's boobs are
official Holy Objects, and Jesus stole her sandwich.
 |
|
Bevin Conners, Chief Goddess of
Pain and Wanton Destruction, holds Head Prophet Brendan Dillon
in a headlock. |
- Norman, the sadistic, three-inch-tall,
blue, invisible elf who lives on Cronan's shoulder and bears
an uncanny resemblance to Calvin (pictured right). Director of
the Oligarchy Criminal Bureau (OCB)
and crewmember of the Pocket Shuttlecraft. Now known to be a
Junior God. Norman was temporarily the
Emperor of the Oligarchy, or so he claimed, during
Norman's Rebellion. More information on
Norman
is available by clicking on his name at the left.
- Paul Pulley, (aka Grog, Ragnarok, P Thugg, and Asbestos Hands), Prophet
Verstüken-Class and Senior
God. Lord of Chaos and Order, The Great Dalmuti, Lord
Protector of Bevin's Boobs, Oligarchy Bartender, The Gothfather, Member of the Clan Smacktalk, God
of Party, Oligarchy Badass, Keeper of Tear, Holy Instructor of the Art of Verstüken,
Professor of Asskicking and PhD in Alconomics at
Oligarchy University, Founder
and CEO of Death Inc., and
Official Oligarchy Arrogant Prick. Continental Governor of Antarctica.
Commanding General of Paul's Army of Drunken
Rednecks. Sub-Governor of Monaco, Yugoslavia and the Dominican Republic.
|
|
|
Paul Pulley, with his good friend Johnny
Walker.
|
- Lori (aka 80's
Child and Theta ET), Prophet Podporucznik-Class. Princess of Egdir Ekal, Queen and
High Ruler of Cubicle #14, Minister of Caffienated Beverages,
Teat of Wickedness, KPS Podporucznik, Ambassador to Russia, Empress of Jellymaking, Continental Governor of
North America, and formerly Temptress of the Prophets (one of them at
least). "You can't spell LIQUOR without LORI!" -Arthur Levesque
- Scorpion, Prophet Antipodean-Class. Continental Governor of Asia, Department Head of the Oligarchy Sandwichmaking Bureau's Vegemite Division, Sub-Governor and Fearless Leader of Gibraltar,
Lieutenant General and Commander of the 2nd Corps of
Paul's Army of Drunken Rednecks, and author of
The TRUE RELIGIONist's Prayer.
-
Bob Doughboy, Prophet
Poop-Class. High priest of Tom Brokaw, Ambassador to the planet
yppaH and Junior God.
(Retired)
- Josh Rothney, Prophet Skip-Class. Minister of Stupid 'Loe Down
References. Is credited (blamed?) for references to Purple Llamas and the Holy
TurboCube. (Retired)
- Brent Jackson
(aka Necrosis), Prophet WareZer-Class. Chief Redistributor of
AOL Diskettes, Oligarchy Computer Crimes Inspector-General (muahahaha!),
head of OCB NetForce, Dean and Professor of
Alconomics at Oligarchy University, Creator of
SkipMaster Pro, Appalachian University Recruiter, Holy Instigator,
and formerly Continental Governor of Asia. (Deceased Nov. 17, 2002)
The Council of Junior Prophets:
- Aethel Castellow,
Prophet Junior Grade. Mini-overseer of cabbits and all things
kawaii, and Warden of the Prison-Nation of France, and High Servant
and Punisher of the Gods. Quote: "That means that they can
tell me to smack people and I'll do it."
- Robin Kalat,
Prophet Junior Grade. Sub-Governor of Norway, Chancellor of
Oligarchy University, and Holy Priestess
of Bevin, German-speaking pseudo-sock puppets, and giggles.
- Mortis, Prophet
Junior Grade. Resident Malevolent Spirit, Master of the Undead, Nebulosis Defunctus, and Continental Governor of South America.
Demon. Member of the Kamikaze Peep Squad.
 |
|
Mortis' host body (right). |
- Matt Brown, Prophet
Junior Grade. Continental Governor of Europe, head of Oligarchy Intelligence (a division of the
OCB) and official scapegoat of
THE TRUE RELIGION.
- Bessie Phillips, High Priestess. Luvv Monkey of Wayland, Sub-Governor of
Kenya and Madagascar, and the most inane person
in the Oligarchy.
- Emily Jane Phillips, the second-youngest member of THE TRUE RELIGION,
born January 4, 2001. Daughter of Head Prophet Wayland Phillips
and High Priestess Bessie Phillips, and thereby the RELIGION's
first demigoddess. Emily Jane is, at the age of three, already a master of
seven styles of kung fu, and has been appointed Brendan's bodyguard. War cry:
"Shoes!"
- Donna Marie Phillips, the youngest member of THE TRUE RELIGION,
born November 20, 2002. Sister of Emily Jane, and the second demigoddess in
TTR.
-
Mr.
Hole (aka The Munificent but Tortured Mr. Hole), Prophet Junior Grade. Continental Governor of Africa, Imperial
Wizard, King of Righteous Thought, Professional Usenet Stalker,
and The Dog Walker. Member of the Kamikaze Peep Squad. Callously
fighting for miserable bastards everywhere.
- Matthew Pulley (aka Sarcastro), Prophet Junior Grade. Minister of
Industry, Controller of the World Economy, Chairman of the Board of Military
Scienticians, Major General and Commander of the 2nd Mobile (N.C.) Division of
Paul's Army of Drunken Rednecks, and Secretary of Balloon Doggies.
- Noah Freeze (aka O Ye Of The Cannons), Prophet Junior Grade.
Demon. Keeper of the Hand Cannon, Master of Head Explodey, Oligarchy Aesthetic
Armorer, and Head Scientician of Death Inc. War cry: "Wheeeeeeeeeee!"
- Steve Davis (aka Toby), Prophet Junior Grade. Minister of Huntin' 'n
Fishin', Supreme Commander of Roland Freight, Professor of Drunken
Brawling at Oligarchy University, and
Major General and Commander of the 1st North Carolina Division (Home
Guard) of Paul's Army of Drunken Rednecks. War cry:
"Hey y'all, watch this!"
- Tiffani Brunson, Prophet Junior Grade. High Priestess of Bevin.
- Toni Ward (aka Baron von Stuffing), Prophet Junior Grade. High
Priestess of Paul Pulley, President of P.A.S.S. (People Against Santa's Shit),
Member of the Clan Smacktalk, Siren of Angst, singer of mean songs and angry
ballads everywhere.
- Nathan Byers (aka Junior Secret Agent Man, The Vingee-Man,
Tommy Boy, and Round Boy), Secondary Prophet Junior Grade. He
is an autistic child who has endeared himself to us, and lives
at Cronan's house. We have no doubt that he has been constantly spouting,
since the young age of twelve, the most profound wisdom this Earth has ever known, but unfortunately we can't figure out what
the hell he's saying. Possibly a Sub-Etha
God. War cry: "Vingee! Vingee! Vingee!"
- Arthur M Levesque (aka Back
Slash, Allah Sulu, Storvik, Little Dutch Boy and Lucky
Son of a Bitch), Prophet Second Class. God of Vodka, King of the Potato
People, Holy Chili Dog Maker,
head of the OCB Criminal Investigation
Section, Filker Laureate, and Junior
God. Member of the Kamikaze Peep Squad. Believed to have pierced several
of his naughty bits. (Retired)
- Neale Lonslow, Prophet Junior Grade. Secretary of Flame War.
(Retired)
Our devout Sheeplike Followers:
Become a Sheeplike Follower now! Sign up for our e-mail
discussion list and avoid an ugly fate when the revolution comes.
Go to The World
Oligarchy main page.
Go to THE TRUE RELIGION.
