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Recently I received an advertisement for the Microsoft Network in the mail. The CD automatically became a coaster, but when I looked closely at the literature, something caught my eye: Microsoft appears to be in league with the Shadows from Babylon 5. Observe this scan of the ad:
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Obviously Microsoft has been confiding in the Shadows to gain power. Currently the Internet is almost completely controlled by evil forces, between Microsoft and America Online, as well as minor demonic forces such as Geocities and various spammers. Clearly, the Shadows want their share. Though they have always used more personal methods for their policies, they have apparently seen how the Internet can help them in accomplishing their goals. It is likely that the Shadows have forged an alliance of mutual benefit with Microsoft, which can help them spread their influence across cyberspace using MS technology and software, such as "bugs" and various riders in the code of Windows, MSN, Hotmail, IE, and countless other applications and services.
Now, at this point one would wonder what Microsoft could possibly gain from such an alliance, since they are also in the global domination business. It's quite simple, really. Once the Shadows have taken control of the people of earth, through technological and other means, they will grant favors to Microsoft to help them in their quest to control the Internet and perhaps beyond. Think of it: a government that supports Microsoft. No antitrust lawsuits or copyright restrictions, and perhaps even a stock market tipped slightly in their favor. There's no telling how far Microsoft could go or what atrocities could occur in the process. There could be further benefits, as well. The following picture is from a secret meeting between Microsoft CEO Bill Gates and Shadow spokesman Mr. Morden:
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The implications are astounding. Microsoft and the Shadows, hand in hand, their powers combined along with their will to bend the world to their favor. There is only one thing we can do. Do not trust anything with the Microsoft label stamped on it. Wipe your hard drive and boot up Linux. Find a new web browser; not only is Internet Explorer a no-no, but Netscape is now tainted due to its takeover by AOL. And for god's sake, stay as far away from Seattle as possible.