I Hereby Declare
NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY
(Norman the Elf)
From: "Norman the Elf" <norman.t.elf@holyducttape.com> Date: Wed Nov 5, 2003 6:51 am Subject: I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY Good morning, boys and girls. I'm Norman the Elf, and I'll be your history teacher today. Those of you who have been around here for a few years, or are well versed in Oligarchy history, will remember the Oligarchy Civil/Cold War that occurred about six years ago. Cronan took over, executing those pissants, Brendan and Wayland (and damn Delilah for bringing them back), and took command, with yours truly at his right hand. Well, like a redneck with a rebel flag, it's time for me to declare that Cronan will rise again! Sure, he may be dead, but in keeping with my analogy, so is Jefferson Davis but that never stopped anyone. Therefore, it is with a heavy heart that I take his place as rightful ruler of the world. I do not do this to seek power for myself; I am only keeping with loyalties I have held since arriving in this dimension. That said, I command you all to kneel before me! Guards, kindly escort Brendan, Wayland, and Jason from the premises! I now anoint myself Emperor of the World Oligarchy. Here are my initial decrees: 1. All the world's citizens shall be loyal to me, Emperor Norman. 2. I appoint my girlfriend, Leann the Rock Troll, Viceroy of the Oligarchy. 3. All barnyard animals owned by North Carolina State University's Department of Agriculture shall be the personal harem of myself and Leann. 4. A statue of Cronan, with myself on his shoulder, shall be built by the Oligarchy's finest sculptor in front of Enloe Oligarchy Government Complex. 5. Shoes are hereby banned. I intended to announce this decision last week, on Cronan Thompson Memorial Day, but extenuating circumstances forced me to delay. Regardless, the deed is done. Do not attempt to challenge me. I am in charge now, like it or not. ----- Emperor Norman the Elf norman.t.elf@holyducttape.com
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