From:    "Norman the Elf" <norman.t.elf@holyducttape.com> 
Date:    Wed Nov 5, 2003 6:51 am
Subject: I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY


Good morning, boys and girls. I'm Norman the Elf, and I'll be your history
teacher today. Those of you who have been around here for a few years, or
are well versed in Oligarchy history, will remember the Oligarchy Civil/Cold
War that occurred about six years ago. Cronan took over, executing those
pissants, Brendan and Wayland (and damn Delilah for bringing them back),
and took command, with yours truly at his right hand.

Well, like a redneck with a rebel flag, it's time for me to declare that 
Cronan will rise again! Sure, he may be dead, but in keeping with my 
analogy, so is Jefferson Davis but that never stopped anyone. Therefore,
it is with a heavy heart that I take his place as rightful ruler of the
world. I do not do this to seek power for myself; I am only keeping with
loyalties I have held since arriving in this dimension.

That said, I command you all to kneel before me! Guards, kindly escort Brendan,
Wayland, and Jason from the premises! I now anoint myself Emperor of the
World Oligarchy. Here are my initial decrees:

1. All the world's citizens shall be loyal to me, Emperor Norman.

2. I appoint my girlfriend, Leann the Rock Troll, Viceroy of the Oligarchy.

3. All barnyard animals owned by North Carolina State University's Department
of Agriculture shall be the personal harem of myself and Leann.

4. A statue of Cronan, with myself on his shoulder, shall be built by the
Oligarchy's finest sculptor in front of Enloe Oligarchy Government Complex.

5. Shoes are hereby banned.

I intended to announce this decision last week, on Cronan Thompson Memorial
Day, but extenuating circumstances forced me to delay. Regardless, the deed
is done. Do not attempt to challenge me. I am in charge now, like it or
not.

-----
Emperor Norman the Elf
norman.t.elf@holyducttape.com