Norman's Rebellion: The Flame War

From:    Matthew Pulley <puma@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Wed Nov 5, 2003 8:08 am
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY


Eh... sounds good to me.

From:    Paul Pulley <DrgGrog@xxxxxxx>
Date:    Wed Nov 5, 2003 3:00 pm
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

Hmmm.... shall I allow a pigment of Cronan's imiagination rule the world? Well
......... nah. You see, that would be like letting him win an argument post
humanously. Not that we havn't had several arguments since he became post human
mind you. And to no ones suprise no one really won either of thoes. In fact I'm
not entirely sure what we where arguing about, much less his position on it.
But still, I shall not allow a small blue elf to rule the world. My forces are
heavily armed and somewhat sober. The fortress walls are thick and my liquor
cabnit is well stocked. We are layed in for a long war. You shall be crushed
under my boots like a suitably crushy object.

From:    "Leann!" <sweet.leann@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Thu Nov 6, 2003 2:40 am
Subject: RE: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

Norman! I thought we agreed that you wouldn't do this. I'm sorry, everyone.
Norman seems to have gotten it into his head that we *lost* the Civil War.
No one did. It just.... ended. Give it up, Norman! I appreciate the harem
and all, but I'm sure we could have requisitioned it without a hostile global
takeover.

Please, Norman. Apologize to the Co-Rulers. Running the OCB isn't so bad.
In fact, I kind of like working there. Retract now, or no S&M for a month!
I mean it!

++++
Leann, the Rock Troll
sweet.leann@holyducttape.com

From:    "Norman the Elf" <norman.t.elf@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Thu Nov 6, 2003 8:54 am
Subject: RE: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

Leann wrote:
>Please, Norman. Apologize to the Co-Rulers. Running the OCB isn't so bad.
>In fact, I kind of like working there. Retract now, or no S&M for a month!
>I mean it!

Apologize? You know me better than that. I'm sorry, dear, but this is something
I must do. The former Co-Rulers have supressed my righful position for too
long. I am, now and forever, Emperor of the Oligarchy. And to those of you
who have expressed dissent already, my wrath will be forthcoming. As for
Mr. Puma, I can tell that you will be going a long way in the new order.
How would you like to be my Chief of Staff?

-----
Emperor Norman the Elf
norman.t.elf@holyducttape.com

From:    "Bevin Conners" <see_bevin_pounce@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Thu Nov 6, 2003 9:13 am
Subject: RE: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

Sir. You believe yourself to be certain of victory. You have imprisoned
the Co-Rulers. Cease and Desist. You have a choice. Release the Co-Rulers
and face their punishments (which most likely won't be all that severe
because, hey, they like you and stuff) or continue with this farce that you
call Norman's World Oligarchy.

You cannot ignore us. You cannot stop us. We are not under the scope of
influence that is Delilah. If you do not attempt to right your wrongs
immediately war will be immanent. As my counterpart has declared; You
shall not be allowed

Love and Saliva,

Bevin
Oligarchy Secretary of Defense
Fortress of Doom Second in Command and Liaison
Chief Goddess of Pain and Wanton Destruction
Senior God and Demon

From:    Brendan Dillon <brendan.dillon@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Thu Nov 6, 2003 12:05 pm
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

Norman, this is a low blow, even for you. Trying to take over while I'm
overseas, Wayland is working 80 hours a week to support the Oligarchy economy,
and Jason hasn't posted in three years. It's because of this kind of
opportunistic crap that you and Cronan couldn't take over the first time. We
won't just roll over and you know it. If it takes another six months of cold
war, we WILL return to Enloe and you know it.

Everyone, get prepared for a war footing. Matt Brown is hereby Acting Director
of the OCB since Norman has vacated the position. Have Intell ready a crack team
of infiltrators for a mission into Enloe. Bevin, ready the troops. I want no
less than a brigade on Clarendon Crescent. Give 'em the Arafat treatment.

Oligarchy Headquarters is temporarily relocated to the Fortress of Doom.
Executive powers will also be colocated in Durham, Bagram, and wherever the hell
Jason is (if he ever decides to get involved).

Hail to the Oligarchy!

--
Brendan, the Duct Tape Avenger,  | brendan.dillon@xx.xxxx.xxx
GPG; 1SG, KPS OPC; SC, HQ, SURLI | http://www.holyducttape.com

"I don't believe in Canada." -Ozzy Osbourne

From:    floralilia@xxxxxxx
Date:    Thu Nov 6, 2003 1:42 pm
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY


ill bring the accouterments..

ah just love a good war..

From:    Matthew Pulley <puma@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Thu Nov 6, 2003 2:13 pm
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

It seems as if I've been given a difficult decision to make. On one
hand, the self-crowned emperor offers me power beyond that I have ever
enjoyed. But to accept this offer I would turn my back on my family at
the Fortress, and my two older siblings prepared to fight for the old
ways... not to mention Paul would probably cut me out of drinking at
the New Years party. Crap... power... liquor. POWER! No... wait..
LIQUOR! Aww man... ok, so whose offer includes Turkish hookers?

Former secretary of Balloon Doggies
Possible future cheif of staff
All around drunk,
Matthew Pulley

From:    "}:-\( Raging ARCangel" <myhumblepalace@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Thu Nov 6, 2003 9:11 pm
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

I wonder, just what is a "suitably crushy object"? Would that be, like glass
bottles, or maybe play-doh instead?

Nevertheless, I like a good fight, so this Norman guy, if he is anything like
the departed Cronan, might find an ally in me....

And one of you mentioned somethin about Turkish hookers -- are you looking to be
suitably crushed yourself? Come on up to Montreal, good sir -- it is the place
where the best of the best reside... er, ahem, so I have been told.

From:    "Norman the Elf" <norman.t.elf@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Fri Nov 7, 2003 3:04 am
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

Arcangel, as a Canadian, even one who has agreed to renounce your former
citizenship and fight Chretien's legacy, you will always be seen as a
seond-class citizen in the old Oligarchy. Join me, and help fight the 
real enemy: those who have wrongfully taken control of the Oligarchy.

And Puma, I will supply you with all the leather-clad hookers you want,
Turkish or not. In fact, this New Year's, I'll line the entire Enloe auditorium
wall with liquors, and we'll have a blowout -- you, me, Leann, Arcangel,
the hookers, and Dick Clark. Invite a friend, if you'd like.

-----
Emperor Norman the Elf
norman.t.elf@holyducttape.com

From:    Paul Pulley <DrgGrog@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Sat Nov 8, 2003 12:31 am
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

You shall suffer a fate worse than an eternity of celin dion singing whilest
consuming your entrails little blue elf! Your godlike miniature soul is
forfeit! You dare to insinuate that you can throw a new years party better than
MINE!! The 1st drunken Alabama and 3rd south Carolina mobile redneck divisions
shall attack your so called harem and burn it to the ground on the morrow. I
shall slaughter your lustful live stock and burn the buildings to the ground.
Question my dominance as both the god of party, and the purveyor of holy liquors
again, and I shall annihilate your precious "Enloe". Then you may hold your
paltry party in ruin and drink ash from the rubble.

Dr. (alconomics) Paul Pulley

From:    "}:-\( Raging ARCangel" <myhumblepalace@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Fri Nov 7, 2003 11:57 am
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

Mr Elf (is that how you prefer to be addressed?)... my only concerns deal with
your self-proclaimed size. If, as it would appear, you really are an elf...
well, then I have a couple of worries. First, my long lost shrink might need to
be contacted -- because I am sure no one is going to believe me when I tell them
the former leprechaun I used to listen to has been replaced by an Elf. Even
though we Canadians have one of the best health care systems on the planet,
horrible things can still befall you in the middle of the night, in the dungeons
of your local SARS invested hospital...

Secondly, what happens if, during the ensuing conflict, I am charging behind you
whilst the coup d'etat is in full swing -- and you should suddenly stop ahead of
me? I may not see you, little man, and good quite conceivably trip right over
you. Or worse still, fate and ill-fortune may collide and I might crush you,
like something "suitably crushy" (see DrgGrog's post earlier, I love that
phrase!). Would that mean that I would have to carry on the fight myself, in
the name of the discorporeal Cronan T?

Why are you Americans so quick to fight, rather than discuss the nature of your
dissatisfaction? I have never met any of the Oligarchy, past rulers or present
elders, but if there really is to be a battle all I know is I want to be on the
side that wins. Please don't make idle promises; remember I am a humble
Canadian who has gotten tired of the pointless pledges of my useless Prime
Minister, and may simply feel inclined to hunt down all the alcoholic misfits
who would have been my brothers and sisters in world domination (ie, you of the
Oligarchy). If memory serves, you aren't more than a 12 or 14 hour drive away.

Then again, I may never cross the American border, eh? What with all the threat
the rest of the world poses to the USA...

From:    "Norman the Elf" <norman.t.elf@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Sat Nov 8, 2003 8:38 am
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

American? You misunderstand. I am not from this dimension. My dimension
of origin is populated mainly by other elves and mythical creatures, and
thereby I am of average stature among my people. I was expelled from that
dimension and sent here about seven years ago after an unfortunate incident
involving Strom Thurmond, after which I merged with the dark side of Cronan's
personality and the rest is history.

And in response to your twenty questions, I'm afraid I do not have time
to address every possible occurence. You must decide whether or not to join
me based on your own convictions.

-----
Emperor Norman the Elf
norman.t.elf@holyducttape.com

From:    Matthew Pulley <puma@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Wed Nov 12, 2003 3:59 pm
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

The Pulley household talks in Washington broke down this weekend with
disasterous results. It seems senior prophets from the old Oligarchy,
Bevin Connors and Paul Pulley are still unwilling to give up and swear
allegience to the new emperor, Norman. I, on the other hand, have
decided to accept the emperor's offer of hookers, booze and power and
join him in forging a new tomorrow. I only hope that when the war is
over that I can use my position to grant them a swift and painless
death.

From:    "}:-\( Raging ARCangel" <myhumblepalace@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Wed Nov 12, 2003 6:57 pm
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

I, in typical "better a live rat than a dead lion" fashion, only want to know
the factions as they stand -- what are the numbers here? Who officially is up
against whom? Will the victors gain the spoils? In the aftermath of the
bloodbath, will the triumphant be allowed to poke the seemingly dead bodies of
the vanquished with razor sharp hot pokers? I just want to be on the winning
side!

Better to be a king in hell than a pawn in heaven...

From:    Brendan Dillon <brendan.dillon@xxxxxxx>
Date:    Thu Nov 13, 2003 2:36 am
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

"}:-( Raging ARCangel" wrote:
> I just want to be on the winning side!

You fancy yourself a mercenary, I see! Well, Topato Potato does not dabble in
mercenary work!

--
Brendan, the Duct Tape Avenger,  | brendan.dillon@xx.xxxx.xxx
GPG; 1SG, KPS OPC; SC, HQ, SURLI | http://www.holyducttape.com

"You've seen generals inspecting troops before. Just walk slow,
look dumb and act stupid." -Major Reisman, "The Dirty Dozen"

From:    "sephienomiko" <adcastel@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Thu Nov 13, 2003 3:32 pm
Subject: Re: the coming conflict

All I know is that I had better prepare the prison nation over here
in case any of these treacherous fools* survive the coming
battle.

-Aethel

*The warden will disclose who the traitors were conveniently after she
sees who wins

From:    Evilgeneeus@xxxxxxx 
Date:    Wed Nov 12, 2003 8:45 pm
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY

What side is rebeling against this montrosity? i gaurentee that when this war
is over, the world oligarchy will not ever be the same. i say, that somebody,
if not ME , should form yet ANOTHER side to this melee, instead of trying to
keep the oligarchy as it is, or join the side of norman, have yet ANOTHER side
fight both in order to change the oligarchy to my wims.....yes, MY WIMS, WHOS
ALL WITH ME!!!!!!!

From:    Brendan Dillon <brendan.dillon@xxxxxxx> 
Date:    Fri Nov 14, 2003 7:47 am
Subject: Re: [True Religion] I hereby declare NORMAN'S WORLD OLIGARCHY


Evilgeneeus@aol.com wrote:
> What side is rebeling against this montrosity? i gaurentee that
> when this war is over, the world oligarchy will not ever be the
> same. i say, that somebody, if not ME , should form yet ANOTHER
> side to this melee, instead of trying to keep the oligarchy as
> it is, or join the side of norman, have yet ANOTHER side fight
> both in order to change the oligarchy to my wims.....yes, MY
> WIMS, WHOS ALL WITH ME!!!!!!!

**Brendan and Norman simultaneously smack the crap out of Evilgeneeus**

--
Brendan, the Duct Tape Avenger,  | brendan.dillon@xx.xxxx.xxx
GPG; 1SG, KPS OPC; SC, HQ, SURLI | http://www.holyducttape.com

"You've seen generals inspecting troops before. Just walk slow,
look dumb and act stupid." -Major Reisman, "The Dirty Dozen"