From:    "Oligarchy NewsWire" <newswire@holyducttape.com> 
Date:    Fri Nov 14, 2003 8:17 am
Subject: Rebellion report


RALEIGH (DP) -- As Norman the Elf's rebellion and attempted takeover of
the World Oligarchy enters its ninth day, Norman still holds total control
of the Oligarchy headquarters of Enloe. His longtime girlfriend, Leann the
Rock Troll, has reluctantly accepted the position of Viceroy, and Matthew
Pulley has been officially appointed Chief of Staff of the Emperor. This
despite the disapproval of his brother, Paul Pulley, the commanding officer
of the Fortress of Doom.

Though Co-Ruler Wayland is in command of forces loyal to the Oligarchy,
Paul is currently running day-to-day operations. Much of the upper chain
of command is scattered, with Brendan undercover in Afghanistan, Jason in
an undisclosed location, and Bevin Conners deeply involved in the containment
of Norman and other military matters.

Bevin has ordered elements of Fort Bragg's 82nd Airborne Division to Raleigh.
They have established headquarters at a shopping center on New Bern Avenue
and have formed a perimeter around Enloe, much to the dismay of residents
of the nearby neighborhood. The troops have cut off all traffic in and out
of Enloe, but since Norman is a Junior God with powers of teleportation,
the blockade has not been much of a hindrance to him. Bevin is also coordinating
with Acting OCB Director Matt Brown for a possible intelligence operation.

Norman himself has not made a move in several days. Sources say he and his
followers are preparing for "something big." Further reports will follow.

-- The Dissociated Press

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