When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a small group of people to dissolve the political bonds which have held them in mediocrity, and to assume among their powers total control of the earth, the separate and equal stations of Legislator of Natural Law and Determiner of Human Fate entitle them, with the ability to do with the opinions of mankind as they see fit that they should declare them Supreme Rulers of the Earth. Brendan Dillon, Cronan Thompson, Wayland Phillips, and Jason Smith are these people, heretofore known as the Co-Rulers.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are not created equal, that they are endowed by their Rulers with certain Rights which they may revoke upon their whim, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of his Happiness. That to secure these rights, all current Governments are to be abolished, and their powers, which were mistakenly derived from the consent of the governed, transferred to the Co-Rulers. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Co-Rulers to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Government, having its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect his Safety and Happiness. The Co-Rulers alone will dictate that Governments long established should be dissolved for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind will suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations pursuing invariably the same Object, the Co-Rulers' Rule of the Earth and all dominions there on, evinces a design to reduce them under the Co-Rulers' despotic rule, it is their right, nay their duty, to throw off such Governments, and to provide new Guards for their future security. Such has been the patient suffrance of the Earth; and such is now the necessity which forces it to alter its current Systems of Government in favor of The World Oligarchy. The history of the present World Governments is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over the Co-Rulers' world. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

• They have refused the Co-Rulers' ascent to Supreme Lords, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
• They have forbidden the Co-Rulers' Governors from taking control and passing laws of immediate and pressing importance.
• They have refused to pass Laws for the elimination of large groups of people who clearly do not deserve to live.
• They have called together legislative bodies composed of morons, twits, and bigots from a populace composed of the same in the sole purpose of fatiguing the Co-Rulers' rise to power.
• They dissolved True Religionist Shrines repeatedly.
• They have refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to allow others to be erected; whereby the Legislative Powers of the Co-Rulers, incapable of Annihilation, have been returned to the People at large for their exercise.
• They have endeavored to prevent the population of the World by denying the Co-Rulers nymphomaniacs.
• They have obstructed the Co-Rulers' Administration of Justice, by refusing their Assent to Laws for establishing Them as the sole Judiciary Power.
• They have made Judges independent on Their will, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
• They have erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass the Co-Rulers' people, and eat out what is rightfully Theirs.
• They have kept among us, in times of peace, stupid people without Their consent.
• They have affected to render Their authority inferior to the Civil Power.
• They have combined with others, notably the Pope, to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by the Co-Rulers' laws; giving their assent to these acts of pretended legislation.
• They have abdicated Governments created upon His assent, by declaring themselves Their equal.
• They have plundered Their world, denied Their power, and destroyed the lives of Their people.
• They are at this time transporting large armies of alien mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with the creation of Television.
• They have given Citizenship to those who have not earned it by their own two hands.

In every stage of these Oppressions They have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Their repeated Petitions have been answered only by continued visits from men in white coats. World Governments, whose characters are thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, are unfit to be the rulers of the new Co-Rulers' World
Nor have We been wanting in attention to our clear inferiors. We have warned them from time to time that their attempts to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over Them will result in their destruction. We have appealed to their native gullibility and idiosyncrasies, and we have valiantly warned them that their ties to the old order will result in their immediate execution upon Their final ascent. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our crystallization, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, as cattle.
We, therefore, the Representatives of The World Oligarchy, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Co-Rulers, Supreme Lords of the World for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by authority of the good People of this World, solemnly publish and declare, That this planet is to be held in the Co-Rulers' iron grasp forever more; that it is Absolved from all Allegiance to prior World Governments, and that all political connection between them and the Oligarchy, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that it has full power to eliminate those it deems unworthy, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Oligarchies may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the Protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.