Brendan's Ten Rules of Sandwichmaking

Above anything else, always remember that sandwichmaking is much more than slapping some meat and cheese on a piece of bread. It is, I dare say, an art form at the highest level. A true sandwichmaker can express his or her personality and feelings in their creation just as much as an artist in his paintings or an author in his writings.
Always be specific. Never go to a deli and just ask for "half a pound of ham." Do you want boiled ham? Virginia baked ham? Personally, I lean towards the latter; boiled ham is better for omelettes, but I digress. When presented with several choices, pause and decide which is right for you and your sandwichmaking needs.
Be certain that you have fresh bread available. The easiest way to kill a sandwichmaking endeavor is to find that your only loaf is in the freezer and it has to be thawed out in the microwave.
If the slices of your cheese are individually wrapped, you are wrong.
Use vegetables not to add flavor, but to accentuate that which already exists. In a simple one meat-one cheese deal, veggies are rarely necessary; however, when you reach multiple layers, a leaf of lettuce, slice of tomato, or a couple of pickles can give your sandwich that final touch it needs to seem complete.
Thin slices are a must. When ordering at the deli, always request toppings sliced as thinly as possible. Then, use several slices if you feel it is necessary to provide the desired volume. Several thin slices are always better than one thick slice, as it improves the texture of the sandwich, which can be the deciding factor in a sandwiches' quality.
When in doubt, use it.
Proper lubrication between bread and toppings is provided by mayonnaise and mustard. If you do not like one, use the other on both slices of bread. However, each slice must be coated with some sort of condiment, not only to add taste, but also to avoid a dry feeling in the bread.
There should not be a single ingredient in your sandwich with the color blue on it.
Once you've completed your creation, take a moment to analyze your sandwich. Think about what the sandwich means. For a breif second, become the sandwich. Then laugh at what utter bullshit that was as you scarf it down.