Department of Alconomics: Master's Curriculum

(Paul Pulley, Jason Smith, Brendan Dillon)

A post-graduate degree in Alconomics is a two-year, post-graduate course. To be accepted, you must have a BA or equivalent in Alconomics, and be of legal drinking age under Oligarchy law (16 for beer/wine, 18 for liquors, or with parental consent). The Master's degree includes three required common courses, four out of six possible concentrations, ten out of eighteen possible electives, and a Master's thesis.

A Master's degree in Alconomics is designed to give you an advanced understanding of consuming and serving alcohol, and the theory behind enjoying it.

The following three courses are required for all Alconomics graduate students:

• ALC 510: Philosophy of Alconomics. This course explores methods to ensure that a party will be enjoyable for you and for those around you. It explains how to be a happy, agreeable drunk, and discourages drunk driving and other dangers, particularly alcoholism.
• One general mixology course:
  • ALC 511: Theory of Mixology, Classic. This is a basic bartending course, covering popular cocktails of all types.
  • ALC 512: Theory of Mixology, Off-the-cuff. This course delves into the more creative aspects of mixology, encouraging students to develop their own style and recipes.
• One physical education course:
  • ALC 521: Drunken Brawling.
  • ALC 522: Drunken Dancing.
  • ALC 523: Drunken Sports.

Students must take four of the following six concentrations (generally taken one per semester):

• Vodka (ALV series)
• Rum (ALR series)
• Whiskey (ALW series)
• Scotch (ALS series)
• Gin (ALG series)
• Schnapps (ALH series)

Each concentration includes a version of the following courses. All must be completed. Here, the courses are listed from the Vodka concentration; for others, simply replace "Vodka" with the appropriate liquor and "ALV" with the appropriate series:

• ALV 501: History of Vodka. Describes the Russian vs. Polish origins debate, early methods of creating vodka, and looks at important historical figures such as Pierre Smirnoff.
• ALV 502: Manufacturing of Vodka. Explains ingredients, distillation, and filtration. Explores the difference between various brands, qualities, and flavors of vodka.
• ALV 503: Vodka Mixology. A more in-depth bartending course which focuses on vodka drinks.
• ALV 504: Vodka Sampling. Students will sample a multitude of vodkas from around the world, both straight and in cocktails. Vodkas of a wide range of proofs, qualities, and flavors will be included.

A total of eighteen graduate-level electives are available. At least ten must be taken to complete a Master's in Alconomics.

• ALC 531: Cordials. This survey course will explore a wide variety of cordials, covering material not included in Theory of Mixology.
• ALC 532: Cream-Based Drinks. Various cream and milk drinks will be explored.
• ALC 533: Frou-Frou Drinks. (Professor: Bevin Conners.) This course will explore so-called "chick" drinks in detail. The goal for students is to be able to mix drinks for others that maximize the student's chances of getting laid.
• ALC 535: Your Friend the Blender. Explores daiquiris, margaritas, and other blended drinks.
• ALC 536: Seasonal Drinks. Delves into the traditional drinks of various holidays and seasons. Students will learn to use all types of weather to an advantage in setting the mood for a party.
• ALC 541: Beer, Americas. Explores varieties of beers from North and South America.
• ALC 542: Beer, Global, Light. Explores light-colored beers from around the world.
• ALC 543: Beer, Global, Dark. Explores dark-colored beers from around the world.
• ALC 544: Wine, Red.
• ALC 545: Wine, White.
• ALC 546: Wine, Blush.
• ALC 547: Champagne.
• ALC 550: Alconomic Endurance. This course will teach students how to pace their drinking and know when to quit. Students will learn to reach and maintain a proper buzz without getting sick or passing out. Some basic biology will be covered.
• ALC 551: You and Your Hangover. Explores methods for preventing, minimizing, and ending a hangover.
• ALC 552: Alcohol and Public Policy. Students will learn methods of avoiding police while drunk, dealing with police after an arrest, and behavior before a judge.
• ALC 560: Drinking Games. Describes a variety of party games, including card-based games such as Asshole and Great Dalmuti, television- and movie-based drinking games, and other entertainment possibilities.
• ALC 561: Drinking Songs. Covers a number of drinking songs from around the world, and techniques for creating them on the fly.
• ALC 562: Drunk Political Science. (Professor: Ted Kennedy.) Students will learn how to debate on political subjects while highly intoxicated.

The final requirement for a Master's in Alconomics is the Master's thesis. The thesis should relate to the student's overall approach to the study of alconomics. The thesis program is the most teacher-intensive part of the Alconomics program, including four to six hours of personal one-on-one between student and instructor. During the presentation of their thesis, the student must mix, prepare, and consume all drinks relevant to the thesis, while answering the instructor's questions or defending their thesis. The thesis will be graded on:

• Quality of drinks
• Content of thesis
• Presentation
• Ability to coherently answer questions

The Alconomics Master's program will be headed by Jason Smith. Paul Pulley will head the PhD program, for which no curriculum has yet been developed. At present, there are only two people in the world who hold a PhD in Alconomics, and Paul is one of them. Jason is currently the PhD program's sole student.

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