My Ass Goes to the PX

From the My Ass: A Real American Hero Series


Subject:      Re: Banners wed
Date:         Thu, 14 Sep 2000 20:58:37 -0400
From:         Antifrance <>
Organization: The World Oligarchy --
Message-ID:   <>

Lori wrote:

> >In article <eul7#gfHAHA.279@cpmsnbbsa07>, "mnmarko"
> ><> wrote:
> >
> >> "Don't write checks your ASS can't cash"
>    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Antifrance, has your Ass had any experience with cashing checks?


(A fable of financial fumbling and frantic flatulence)

My ass was at home at Fort Bragg's officer housing when it realized it
was out of p00pie paper, so it drove to the Post Exchange. After
selecting a six-roll package of Ribo's finest three-ply, it trudged down
the first available aisle and pulled its checkbook from its "pocket."

It rushed to fill out the check -- military stores require you to
practically write your life story on each check (oh, the hijinks that
ensued when my ass applied for its own Social Security number! But
that's another story) -- handed it to the cashier, and left. The p00pie
paper problem was solved.... or so it thought.

My ass was sure that its direct deposit paycheck would show up in its
bank account before the check cleared. Unfortunately, it was mistaken.
In the military, bad checks are reported to your unit, so within days,
my ass was in the company commander's office.

"Lieutenant Antifrance's Ass, I'm dissapointed in you," said the
commander. "You're my executive officer, and you should be setting the
example for the soldiers."

"I should have transferred more money from savings to checking, sir,"
my ass replied.

"Yes, you should have." The commander sighed. "It's a sad day for
America when soldiers don't even have the money for p00pie paper. Why
didn't you just sign for some at Supply?"

"I can't use that one-ply stuff, it irritates my face."

"I see. Well, don't let it happen again."

"It won't, sir," my ass replied. It saluted, did an about-face and
walked out.

.....Many books have plot holes, but it's worst of all if it's a checkbook.

Brendan Dillon (aka Antifrance),

Blackhawk: [as the elevator hit Floor 15] "Who's 15?"
Girl with SO: "I am, but he thinks I'm 19."
       -at ChiCon

Go to the Kamikaze Peep Squad.

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