Subject: Re: of canada and anti-us sentiments Date: Tue, 12 Nov 2002 22:46:10 -0500 From: Brendan <email@example.com> Organization: Help me fight cancer: http://www.holyducttape.com/fightcancer.html Message-ID: <3DD1CB02.ADBC7598@yahoo.com> Newsgroups: alt.tv.andromeda, alt.fan.tom-servo, rec.arts.sf.tv Suffer359 wrote: > > We might as well be Americans. We shop at American stores, eat American > food, drive American cars and watch American TV. Is it any wonder we > sometimes need to express our Canadian individuality? DETROIT (DP) -- FBI agents have been called on the scene after sources revealed on Tuesday that Canadians have been eating American food, driving American cars and watching American TV. White House spokesman Ari Fleischer went on record to say, "This illegal use of American resources will not be tolerated, and every effort is being made to halt it." American citizen Michelle Norris says she was eating at a Burger King Tuesday morning, when "a whole bunch of those Mountie guys just marched right in and grabbed my Whopper right out of my hand." She reports that the Canadians proceeded to consume her burger. "It's ridiculous. We can't have these Canadians just taking Americans' food and eating it. If they want a Whopper, they need to go to the counter and pay like the rest of us," Norris commented. A similar incident was reported by New England area resident John Mehrtens, whose car was stolen but later returned by a pair of Canadian tourists. "They stole my keys and just drove around in my car for a while, then brought it back and left. Strangest blarging thing I've ever seen." The Canadian auto thieves are still at large. The most disturbing incident, however, occured on Monday, when the home of Port Huron resident Eddie Hayes was entered by Canadian citizen Jefferey Adrien. Hayes reported, "I was just sitting on the couch, watching 'The West Wing,' when this [deleted] walks right into my house, didn't knock or anything, and you know what he does? He picks up the remote without a word and changes it to 'Northern Exposure' reruns. The guy even had the audacity to ask for popcorn." Canadian spy Suffer359, who has gone public to defend the actions of his countrymen, rationalized this behavior by saying "We might as well be Americans." The FBI has issued a warrant for Suffer359's arrest on charges of espionage and top-posting. - The Disassociated Press -- Brendan Dillon (aka Antifrance), | firstname.lastname@example.org GPG; 1SG, KPS OPC; SC, HQ, SURLI | http://www.holyducttape.com WAYLAND FOR PRESIDENT IN 2016
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