Lori's Elf Spat Recap, Day Two


Subject:      Lori's Elf Spat Recap, Day Two
Date:         Wed, 01 Aug 2001 18:25:06 GMT
From:         80s_child@my-deja.com (Lori)
Reply-To:     loriann_70*NOSPAM*@yahoo.com
Organization: Cubicle #14
Newsgroups:   alt.fan.tom-servo

Alternative title:  "Shuffling off to Buffalo"

(Special thanks to Arthur Levesque for contributing to this report.)


A few things I forgot in my recap of Elf Spat, Day One

1.  I met Arthur at the "Kiss and Ride" section of the metro station -
woohoo!  Mind in the gutter!

2.  At lunch, Arthur and I discovered that neither of us has ever eaten
buffalo meat, though Arthur mentioned that he had a hobby of trying as many
different species as he could.

3.  Emily Jane - she wasn't mentioned once!

4.  I brought Brendan an extra large bottle of Barenjager for his birthday.

5.  We met Bessie's mom, since she was going to watch EJ while we were out.

6.  I gave myself the nickname "Chopped Liver" at Rocky, because Bessie was
more excited about introducing Arthur to her friends than she was me.
Sheesh, a guy writes a bunch of semi-famous parodies and he gets special
treatment, I tell ya...

7.  During Rocky, Bessie ran around in her underwear and tried
(unsuccessfully) to get us to join her.

(Oh, and I didn't realize Brendan's GF spells her name "Tiffani".  My

If I forgot anything else, oh well.

Now on to...

NC Elf Spat #2, Day Two, Saturday July 28, 2001

I'm not sure who woke up first (probably me), but eventually Arthur and I
discovered that the other was awake, so we tried to see what mischief we
could get into before anybody else woke up.  We were going to take showers
(separately, you pervs!), but we didn't know where the clean towels were.
Fortunately for me Arthur is nose-deaf, although I did remember to pack
deodorant.  (So did he.)  We went into the kitchen and started playing with
the fridge magnets.  They had those little letter and number magnets, so we
got creative.  We were able to write out "LORI = TAET 666", "X =
[infinity]2" (the infinity was a sideways 8), an arrow (made from a 7 and a
1) pointing from "LORI" to the word "DRUNK", and a "YHB+" (only I think the
+ might have actually been a division sign).  All this without once
disturbing the "EMILY JANE PHILLIPS 6 MOS." that was already there.  We had
to practically sit in the sink to take photos, so we'll see how those turn

Arthur and I decided to make a grocery store run since it didn't look like
anyone was getting up anytime soon.  We would have walked, but my st00pid
ankle is still not completely healed up.  Plus, we didn't know the range or
bearing to the nearest supermarket anyway.  And it rained on the way back
besides.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

When we went to leave, we discovered that the door had been unlocked all
night.  Great...  Once behind the wheel I mentioned not being fully awake
yet.  So Arthur decided to scare me as I was going through an intersection.
It worked.

While purchasing ingredients for Arthur to make lasagna (because Bessie
insisted - apparently Arthur was her minion too last weekend), we headed
over to the meat case to get the ground beef.  All of a sudden, Arthur
discovers <cue music>  *Dah-dah-DAAAH!!*  GROUND BUFFALO MEAT!!!!  (Refer
to #2 in the Things I Forgot section above.)  Here followed some devious
Taet-and-minion scheming, plotting, and maniacal laughter.  When all was
said and done, the meat in the lasagna consisted of 1/3 ground beef, 1/3
sausage, and 1/3 BUFFALO!!!  It was SO hard to keep quiet about it, but I
was good.  I suppose since Arthur was the one cooking, you could say I was
HIS minion, but that was fun too.

We also purchased sodas for mixing with booze later on, and I successfully
resisted the urge to buy Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

We got back and everyone else was awake.  Or maybe just most of them were,
I forget now.  There was some debate on whether to have the lasagna for
lunch and Holy Sandwiches for dinner, or vice versa.  Lasagna won, since we
actually had all of the ingredients.  Brendan had to go back out later to
get the Holy Sandwich stuff.  While everyone else watched "The Young Ones
and Arthur cooked, Wayland accompanied me to go and find some Duke
University themed gifts for my sister, since she's a big Duke Basketball
fan.  We went to a store called "The Duck Shop", but it was temporarily
closed so the cashier could go get some change.  So we went down to the
street to a little old fashioned mom-and-pop drugstore and got milkshakes.
They had two really old (like from the 40s or 50s maybe?) Hamilton Beach
milkshake machines, but there were also newer ones, which they used to make
our shakes with.  I got a chocolate mocha one, and that essentially was my
breakfast.  We got back to the Duck Shop and I found a t-shirt for my
sister.  Yay!  Then, since Wayland is particular about what he eats, we
stopped at Chick-Fil-A (Hi Dan!) to get him something to eat.

The lasagna was delicious.  I don't know what buffalo meat tastes like on
its own, but mixed with the other meats and the sauce and cheese, it
blended right in and nothing tasted funny.  In fact, it was so good that I
had TWO pieces.  Homemade lasagna is the BEST.  (One of these days I'll get
my collection of Servo recipes forwarded to Brendan and he can put them on
his elf spat page.)  While partaking of the lasagna, we watched "Cannibal:
The Musical" (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0115819), a hilarious spoof of
"Oklahoma" and based on a true story!

Somewhere in this mess we also watched an episode or two of "Ranma 1/2" so
that those who hadn't seen it could get familiar with the characters.  This
is an anime show that Arthur has gotten me hooked on worse than any drug
imaginable.  OK, not quite, but I am addicted to it nonetheless. :)

The topic of going to the pool came up, after Bessie tried unsuccessfully
to convince us to go to karaoke.  Fortunately I had packed my bathing suit.
Arthur, however, did not.  So he went in his shorts and shirt.  For some
reason that I can't remember now, just the three of us ended up going.  In
addition to it counting as a shower for those of us who hadn't yet taken
one, lots of wackiness ensued, including penny-diving, dunking, Bessie
doing flips, and Arthur nearly losing his pants several times.  (Sorry
Poddy, no .GIFs.)  Arthur swam Submarine Style, which you're just going to
have to see the photos of to understand.  He also did a s00per cannon ball,
which caused a tidal wave over the side of the pool.  We were joined by
some kid named Carlos or something, and he wouldn't leave us alone.  He
wanted to race and show off and do all that stuff kids like to do at the
pool.  He was a nice kid, I guess, and he eventually left.  Brendan and
Wayland came by and took some more pictures.  Then some guy started yelling
out of his third-floor window at us.  He was yelling at Arthur that he
wasn't allowed to swim in the pool with a shirt on.  We couldn't find it
listed in the posted rules, but Arthur obliged anyhow, probably just to get
the guy to shut up.  I don't know why some guy up in his cozy little
apartment would care, except that maybe he wanted to watch Arthur swim
shirtless and have some special voyeuristic time with himself.  Who knows.
Either way, it gave Brendan an opportunity to snap a photo of Arthur's

Dinner commenced at the Lone Star Steakhouse (see, even WWS gets a nod).
We took turns playing "Pass the Baby" so everyone could get a chance to
eat.  Emily Jane does this weird thing with lemon wedges - she puts one in
her mouth, makes a face, and then tries to eat it again!  She's a very
well-behaved baby.  Since Brendan is now legal, he ordered something...
pink.  I have no idea what it was, but I gotta say - it takes a real
manly-man to drink a pink drink and not look like a wuss.

When we left, Arthur drove Brendan's car and Jason and Bessie rode in my
car.  Between the rain and my shitty wiper blades, I lost sight of Arthur,
et al when they made a U-turn and drove right past.  Fortunately Bessie and
Jason were able to give me alternate directions and we made it back to the
apartment in one piece.


This is where my memory gets fuzzy (are we surprised?).  We cracked open
the Barenjager, and I poured a shot so I could taste it (you have to sip
the stuff).  In the meantime, Arthur was making some alcoholic milkshakes
(which were yummy) and Bessie insisted that I try a drink called an
Amethyst (which was also quite tasty).  So there I was with three
mostly-full drinks in front of me all at once.  Needless to say, they
didn't stay that way for long.

During the course of the next several hours we watched the movies "Dogma"
and "Meet the Feebles" (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0097858).  The latter was
weird, disturbing, funny, and stupid all at the same time.  Basically, it's
the Muppets with porn and drugs!  Go watch it, but make sure you're
drinking at the time - you'll need it.

As was mentioned previously, Arthur and Wayland spent some private time
alone in the bathroom.  When they emerged, their eyes were glassy and they
smelled funny.  Again, there are no .GIFs, for which we are all grateful.

Chat was also going on during this time, and Wayland, Arthur, and I took
turns at the computer.  In fact, I was using typing in chat as an excuse to
avoid the Feebles movie for a while...  At one point while Arthur was
typing (the computer is on the floor), I walked back into the living room
with a too-full shot glass in my hand and splled some of it on Arthur.
This did not make him turn into a pig, however ("Ranma" reference).

One by one people were dropping out and going to bed.  Most of us at one
time or another took a shift going outside with Bessie while she smoked
because she didn't want to be out in the stairwell alone.  I accompanied
her at around 4:00 AM, and while we were out there the rent-a-cop yelled at
us for talking too loud.  Sheesh.

Bessie and I came back inside and the movie had been turned off, the
computer was off, and everybody was in bed.  Arthur, however, was still
awake, and Bessie and I engaged him in a pillow fight.  She and I were both
WIDE-awake.  (As much as I had to drink, it hardly affected me at all.)
Arthur didn't seem to be very much awake, but we didn't care.  Bwa-ha-haa!!
At around 5:00 AM we decided it was finally time for lights-out.  Good

Coming soon: Elf Spat Day Three (and Four!), including the Giant Peep that
Attacked Japan, Holy Sandwiches, and a dripping Tiffani!


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