Durham Elf Spat III Recap

(Antifrance, with Lori)

Subject:      The Durham Elf Spat III Recap (finally)
Date:         Wed, 31 Jul 2002 23:56:49 -0400
From:         Antifrance <antifrance@yahoo.com>
Organization: Oligarchy University
Message-ID:   <3D48B181.E7B735D5@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups:   alt.fan.tom-servo


Lori arrived around 7:30. Wayland and I were in the dungeon (that is,
Wayland's) office, using our computers, so Bessie showed Lori around the
house and finally alerted us to her presence when she showed Lori the
office. Everyone was quite hungry by this point, so Wayland fired up the
grill and started cooking. The steaks had been marinating in the fridge
in a Guinness-based solution for several days, and they turned out GOOD.
So were the corn and baked potatoes.

While they were cooking, Lori showed us the cool stuff she brought.
Around Easter, she had purchased a 'Peep' rope light at Target (much
like the one that trolled Marci a while back). We put it up in the front
window and decided to pass it on from Elf Spat to Elf Spat. She picked
up two bottles of rum for later on, and also bought me a mini-bottle of
Saint Brendan's Irish Creme! Woohoo!

After dinner, we hung out and talked for a while, as our stomachs
settled. Then we put Emily Jane to sleep and the drinking commenced. The
drink of choice for the night was Anti-Voyager Zombies
(http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/recipes/zombies.html), modified to
contain only ingredients which actually exist. (As stated before, the
151 proof pudding was replaced by a splash of Bacardi 151 rum and
whipped cream.) The Zombies served their purpose extremely well; I'm
still amazed I was still able to make them correctly after drinking
several. It was also very tasty. (If you make one and find it too sour,
try reducing the lime juice to 1/4 oz.) At some point during the night,
we watched a bunch of Weird Al videos, and an even weirder HBO special
about strippers. We also left drunken messages on Tara K's answering

Since I wasn't present for the gas station incident, Lori has written
the next segment:

> [As you know we were all drunk so Bessie drove my car, yadda yadda.] 
> All the gas stations that were close by were closed, so Wayland said 
> we would have to go into a more dangerous part of town. We found an 
> open gas station and went in. While Wayland got his smokes, Bessie 
> and I picked out some sodas and pickle-flavored potato chips for 
> ourselves. When we were checking out, Bessie and I noticed these 
> hollowed-out cigar thingies that looked like straws. They were 
> flavored too. We couldn't figure out what they were, and the clerk 
> kept saying "You don't want to know". Wayland finally said, "They're 
> for making blunts," and we were like, "Ohhh." The clerk and Wayland 
> joked a bit about how they would be selling marijuana soon. Then the 
> clerk reached behind the counter for something, saying "I don't know 
> anything about this," and set a crack pipe on the counter. Needless 
> to say, we got the hell outta there pretty quick.

Eventually Wayland passed out, as he is prone to do often whether drunk
or sober. Lori and Bessie toyed with Lots42 on AIM while I downloaded
Weezer videos. Eventually we all went to bed, and Bessie and Lori made
h0tt lesb0 monkey love.


I missed most of Saturday morning because I slept until 1pm. Wayland and
Bessie, OTOH, spent much of the morning hunting for bacon. Just the
night before, there was a pound of bacon in the fridge, and in the
morning, it seemed to have disappeared. Wayland searched the fridge for
half an hour, then woke Bessie, who searched just as hard. It was
nowhere to be found. Once everyone gave up on the bacon search, we
discovered the Fuck You Fork of Doom, and Bessie assaulted Lori with 20
years of photo albums.

When we finally managed to wrench the photos away from Bessie, we loaded
into Wayland's van and headed out to Lilly's Pizza. We went to the newly
opened store, since it's closer to Durham, rather than the original
Lilly's we've been to in the past. The environment at Lilly's #2 is not
quite the same, but the pizza's just as good. Wayland ordered a pesto
pizza with three types of cheese, and the rest of us got the Cowtipper
(ground beef, olives, mushrooms, and feta cheese). I've never had a
pizza with feta cheese on it, so I wasn't sure what to expect; but it
was, as the Lilly's motto goes, damn good.

We were going to stop at a computer store after lunch, but Emily Jane
was getting cranky, so we headed for home. On the way, Bessie and
Wayland got into a heated discussion of politics and economics. When we
arrived, we put Emily Jane and Wayland down for a nap. Bessie and Lori
discussed motherhood for a while, and I hid. Later we decided to watch
'The Fifth Element,' which woke up Wayland.

After the movie, we went to chat and fucked with people's heads for a
while. We managed to scare away Travers and Podkayne, and keep Lots42
and everyone else present thoroughly confused. We actually didn't drink
much that night. When chat got boring, Lori, Wayland and I went to the
living room and watched Memento, with the intention of breaking Lori's
brane. It worked.

Then we went to sleep.


Wayland and Lori played on the computers and ate leftover pizza while
Bessie and I slumbered. Wayland attempted to hook Lori on Everquest and
failed. (From what I hear, he sounded just like a coke pusher. "You
don't get hooked the first time....")

Once everyone woke up, we had the Trans-Pacific Phone Call! After trying
to reach Tara several times, she gave up and called us around noon
(midnight for her). We talked to her on speaker phone for about half an

Mr. Narcolepsy took yet another nap until the rest of us wanted to watch
'Evolution.' I highly recommend this movie. Ivan Reitman has always made
hilarious movies; he even managed to make Orlando Jones not annoying.

After the movie, we woke up the baby and piled into the office for some
group photos, and then it was time for Lori to leave. We all hung out in
front of the house for a few minutes, hugged, and she was on her way.


I found the bacon in the fridge, behind some cheese.

Brendan Dillon (aka Antifrance), | antifrance@yahoo.com
GPG; 1SG, KPS OPC; SC, HQ, SURLI | http://www.holyducttape.com

"Hey, Brendan, I've been meaning to ask you... when you were locked
in that spaceship with the alien, how did you get away? After you
ran out of Bugles, that is." -Captain Infinity

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