Subject: Babies, Booze and Breastmilk: The Virginia Elf Spat II Recap and Photo Album Date: Wed, 21 Feb 2001 05:23:00 GMT From: Antifrance <firstname.lastname@example.org> Message-ID: <3A935043.6A45933D@yahoo.com> Newsgroups: alt.fan.tom-servo,alt.duke.basketball,alt.bonehead.tom-servo, alt.bitch.pork My photo album is online; you can see it at the following link. (I don't have a link on the Elf Spat page yet.) Also, this recap is scattered with footnotes cross-referenced to particular photos, to highten your reading experience. (http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/) Comments and corrections are of course welcome. FRIDAY ------ Wayland, Bessie, Emily Jane, and I piled up in my car after work and departed on our northbound journey. You may have thought a long drive with you-know-who might be difficult, what with the potential for fussing, whining and general annoyance, but fortunately, she was quiet most of the way. Oh, and the baby was too. We arrived at Beth and Jaime's condo at about 1:00 am. Arthur Levesque was already there and was planning to stay the night, so we sat around and talked for a while. Much fawning over the baby occured . We found out that the laziest couple in North America, Jaime and Beth, haven't yet taken down their Xmas tree, which was covered in Star Trek ornaments . Finally everyone went to bed, and Arthur and I got on the futon and made hot monkey love all night. SATURDAY -------- I woke up around 11 with a girl in my arms (unfortunately, she was only six weeks old). Lori arrived a little while later, and a hunter-gatherer party was assembled, consisting of myself, Wayland, Arthur, and Lori, to make their way to the Ginat (a grocery store). Upon our return, Wayland began preparations for a couple of pesto pizzae  (which we didn't call spaghetti). Meanwhile, Arthur presented selections from his extensive video collection, starting with George Lucas In Love and moving on to The Tick and others. Jaime introduced Wayland to pipe smoking  (Wayland is used to smoking a pipe, but not having tobacco in it). After the pizzae were consumed, The Ferrets were unleashed  as is Virginia Elf Spat tradition. At some point, Jaime had a bit of fun with his Canadian Army-issue Super Soaker , and Beth taught Bessie how to utilize her post-partem dairy deposits for evil purposes, much to Lori's dismay. Eventually Arthur made lasagna (Italian and Mexican) , both of which kicked ass. Arthur also contributed several bottles of flavored Stolichnaya vodka, and a copy of Trey Parker's "Orgazmo," which was very educational. Afterwards, Elf Chat ensued . It was certainly one of the more interesting chats we've had; even Lori's hubby showed up (hee hee). Also, Bessie (who had nothing to drink, BTW) perfected her aim and squirted Arthur square between the eyes. Meanwhile, a few of us were still watching TV. Bessie and I found Battlebots on the comedy channel; Beth soon walked in and freaked. ("There are sports on my TV!!!11!1!!1") When that was over, Beth popped in a few Red Dwarf videos, including the frightening American version (starring Dax and Daphne). Soon all the adults passed out and only Emily Jane remained awake, staying in chat late into Sunday morning and finally vanquishing Mortis as chat winner . In the other room, Lori and I got on the futon and made hot monkey love all night. SUNDAY ------ A very evil bastard who shall remain nameless (we'll just call him, for the sake of the argument, Wayland) decided to wake me up with Jaime's Super Soaker. Not much was going on, everyone just sat around and talked until the host and hostess awoke. Arthur put on "Re-Animator," a classic reverse-necrophilia documentary. ("Is that rigor mortis or are you just happy to see me?" -Wayland) At noon, Wayland was granted the special privilege of watching sports, which even Jaime has never been allowed before. Most of the Spat ducked out as Wayland switched to the Duke basketball game, since he has a blood disorder that would kill him unless exposed to each Duke game. (It's an epidemic in this part of NC.) We learned that Jaime is a sex goddess , and that his Xmas gift to Beth was a Star Trek toilet seat , which is appropriate because Star Trek is in the toilet. Then everyone sat around and acted bored until Beth yelled at the top of her lungs, "HOLY SANDWICHES!!!!!"  So I spend the next hour or so in the kitchen making sandwiches while everyone else watched more Red Dwarf. And after that, some Red Dwarf. Jaime made gazpacho, marzapan and flann (sp?) which were enjoyed by some. When someone turned off the VCR and we inadvertantly find ourselves watching Saturday Night Live, the natives quickly became restless, and Arthur and Bessie (who had been flirting all weekend) decided to resolve the tension between them in a ferret vs. breastmilk cagematch . Everyone ducked. Eventually we had to leave, around 7:00. We ended up getting home at 1:30 because we stopped at Waffle House at shift change. In the real world: we bombed Iraq for the 5,985th time, Dale Earnhardt died, Bob Hope didn't, and part of Florida received flaming justice for last November.  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va08-jaime&emily.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va10-trektree.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va16-pizza.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va23-pipes.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va26-ferretcage.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va37-supersoaker.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va74-lasagna.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va75-elfchat.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va80-emilyjanewins.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va68-sexgoddess.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va14-jaimetoilet.jpg  http://www.holyducttape.com/ttr/sandwich.html  http://www.holyducttape.com/kps/es7photos/va92b-squirt.jpg -- Brendan Dillon (aka Antifrance), GPG; 1SG, KPS OPC; SC, HQ, SURLI email@example.com http://ducttape.simplenet.com "Open up my head and let me out....." -Dave Matthews Band
Return to the Kamikaze Peep Squad.
Return to the Elf Spat Page.