Why my bedroom stinks

(Captain Infinity)

From:         Infinity@world.com (Captain Infinity)
Subject:      Why my bedroon stinks
Date:         09 May 2000 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID:   <391a5a52.11907780@news-f.std.com>
Organization: http://world.std.com/~Infinity
Newsgroups:   alt.fan.tom-servo

Once Upon A Time,
In article <o5YR4.41469$x4.1394009@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net>
Linepithema humile wrote:

>In alt.ascii-art holefamily1 <holefamily1@webtv.net> wrote:
>> In article <KX9gwaEcthC5Ew9B@xemu.demon.co.uk>, Dave Bird
>> <dave@xemu.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>>> In article<390ccd85.2833611@news-f.std.com>, Captain Infinity
>>> <Infinity@world.com> writes:
>>> >  Kermit Krab sez:
>>> >                       ,~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~,
>>> >         (+)(+)        |       Oh, baby...      |
>>> >          |  |   ,-----|    give me all your    |
>>> >        /      \       |  HOT CRUSTACEAN LOVE!  |
>>> >  (  )  \ -==- /  (  ) `~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'
>>> >    \    \    /    /
>>> >     \  <\/\/\/>  /
>>> >      '-/      \-'
>>> >    ,--/        \--
>>> >   / --|        |-- \
>>> >  / / --\      /-- \ \
>>> > ()/ / --`----'-- \ \()
>>> >  ()/ /          \ \()
>>> >   ()/            \()
>>> >    ()            ()   C.I.
>>>  Small point, but don't all crabs and spiders have
>>> exactly 8 legs?
>> No silly, they have 5 beautiful claws!
>Tasty claws :).

This reminds me that I forgot to tell you folks why my bedroom stinks.
About a week or so ago, I was in the supermarket shoplif^H^H^Hing, and I
see Mark McCauley working behind the seafood counter.  (Mark is the younger
brother of Jim McCauley, who was a good friend of mine some years ago.  Jim
and I ran a Frisbee club together in the late '70s, and held & participated
in a good number of Freestyle competitions.  But I digress.)  So I said hi
to Mark and asked how things were going and how Jimmy and the rest of the

I wasn't really in a fish-buying mood (I was actually there to stock up on
pet food) but there was this adorable crab in the front, on the ice, behind
the glass, that had some excellent looking claws that would make for a nice

See, here's the thing...I've purchased several Kermit the Frog PEZ
dispensers, with plans to eventually turn one of them into a Kermit *Krab*
PEZ dispenser.  But I never got around to buying a crab for the Klaws
 ...mainly because I've never thought past the point of having A) the PEZ
dispenser and B) crab claws.  Past this point is, of course, C) joining the
crab claws to the PEZ dispenser.  How should this be done?  This is where
I've always been stumped, so I never moved beyond A.

But the crab in the case looked yummy, and had some nice looking claws, so
I had Mark scoop it out and weigh it (exactly 1 pound, $2.99) and bag it up
for me.

I got home and discovered that the nut-crackers were missing, as were the
tiny picks needed to scoop out all the meat in an easy fashion, so I set
unto the crab with a heavy-handled knife (for whacking and shattering) and
a long-tined fork (for scooping).

That crab was indeed delicious...but a hell of a lot of work without the
right tools.  I didn't want to crush the smaller claws, desiring to save
them complete for Kermit, but the bigger claws were out of proportion for a
PEZ dispenser, so I crushed them and ate the meat inside, yum.  Then I
discovered that one of the claws in the last pair was missing, so I only
had 7 now.  Bummer.  Kermit needs 10.

But I figured I'd get around to buying another crab soon enough (and maybe
some nutcrackers, too) so I put the seven smaller claws into an empty box
which once held a white-chocolate bunny (50 cents at CVS the day after
Easter) and brought it up to my room.  After which I completely forgot
about it.

Until I came home from work a few days later and walked into the room and
was hit in the face by the SMELL!!  AUGH!!  ROTTING CRAB CLAWS!!

So I flushed the claws down the toilet.  It took several flushes, as these
things just didn't want to go.  And what a bizarre sight it was to see a
handful of crab claws coming up out of the pipe.  Scary.  I had a momentary
impulse to leave them there, in order to frighten the next person to use
the bathroom.  But I decided not to do that, because I figured it'd
probably be *me* the next morning and I'd wet myself, having forgotten
about it.

So down they went, woosh, and I need to start the project over again from
the beginning.

So now you know why my bedroom stinks.

Captain Infinity

Return to the Kamikaze Peep Squad.

Return to Selected Usenet Posts.