Original message: Antifrance
Wackylaced by: Lori

NOTE: This message has been edited. Since the original message was directions
to my apartment, all road names and contact info have been censored out. The wackylace was sent
via private e-mail, rather than a Usenet post, and is featured here with expressed permission.

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From:    Lori
Date:    Tue, 17 Jul 2001 13:23:33 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Gesundheit! (was Re: Richtungen zu unserer Wohnung)
To:      Brendan Dillon, Arthur Levesque
CC:      Wayland Phillips

--- Brendan Dillon  wrote some of this:

> Take I-95 down to I-85. Stay on 85 until you reach Durham. When

you have to take a potty break, go 30 miles until you get to where

> I-85 merges with US-70, start keeping an eye out for the

porta-potties that the construction workers use when working on the

> xxxxxxxxxx Road exit. Take this exit and turn left onto

a winding gravel path that takes you to Cleveland and eventually to

> xxxxxxxxxx Road.

> Once xxxxxxxxxx becomes two-lane and you pass some houses (a few

bottles of Maalox should make this easier; but first you should put your

> blocks down), turn right at the next light (this turn will take

a turn for the worse and send you right to Hell.  Which means it sends

> you straight down the middle of a golf course). There will be a

little old man sitting in a rocking chair to tell you how he was

> forced left at the end of this road, onto xxxxxxx St.

> Once on xxxxxxx, pass through the next light, pass the Arby's,

which might take some more Maalox, or you can get some K-Y jelly at

> the pr0n shop, and over a bridge. Immediately after the bridge,

start playing strip poker.  It's more fun than bridge.  You can then

> turn left into the xxxxxxxxx apartment complex. There will be

a secret password you'll have to give the gargoyles who sit at the

> two entrance gates; you want to take the left gate, which is for

sale, and hide it.  This will help to confuse and bewilder future

> visitors.

> Once through the gate, take the next left. Then there will be a

cop who will arrest you for robbery.  Explain to him that this is a

> left turn which you CANNOT take because it's one-way. Park in the

abandoned garbage dump behind the alley.  Then jump over the three

> spaces to your left just after that turn (before the next speed

demon passes through and runs you over.  Be careful not to fall and get a

> bump).

> We are in building 17, the last one you passed. We're in apt. 17A

which passed first, thankfully.  Now we have to clean up all the Maalox

> on the lowest floor.

> I'm CC'ing this to Wayland in case I make any mistakes. These

things happen pretty often with me these days.  I think MapQuest's

> directions should get you here, but in case anything happens, our

Rapid Response Team stands ready to assist, IYKWIM!  Their phone

> number is (919) xxx-xxxx. Or, before 5:00, you can call me at

Sally's Pleasure Hut.  But don't tell anybody; my GF thinks I'm at

> work at (919) xxx-xxxx.


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