Labeling the Jaime/Beth unit

(Captain Infinity)

Subject:      Labeling the Jaime/Beth unit
Date:         Wed, 30 Aug 2000 17:35:57 GMT
From: (Captain Infinity)
Newsgroups:, alt.bitch.pork,,
              alt.society.neutopia, alt.pets.ferrets
Message-ID:   <>

Once Upon A Time,
In article <967596489.571613@news> wrote:

>Jaime and leave at 11:00 a.m.

This sentence has caused me to ponder an interesting situation.
You obviously meant to write "Jaime and I" (or, as WebTVers would write:
"Me and Jaime").

I predict that you will have a lot of practice writing this phrase in
the future, now that you two are permanently joined at the genitalia.
So over time you will become as used to tapping out those eleven
keystrokes as you are to cleaning up ferret doots.  It will be second
nature to you.

However, for the rest of us, writing the phrase "Jaime and Beth" or
"Beth and Jaime" or "Jaimester and TheWitch" or some other variant
thereof, will be much less of a habit...and more likely to be futzed up
in some way, like "Jimmy and TheBitch" for example.  Just an example.
Also, there's the "politically correct" question of who gets listed
first.  It could get touchy.  I'd hate to see you two start fighting and
screaming "they always list *your* name first!  WAAAAH!!"

So what we need is a portmanteau.  Fans of Lewis Carroll's writing
("Alice In Wonderland" and other works) will recognize that word as
meaning (in this situation) a short word which encloses two other words
into one of mixed meaning.  An example from Carroll's work is "slithy",
which means "lithe" and "slimy".

I've been trying to think of a portmanteau that I can use when I have to
refer to the two of you as a unit.  Here are some I've considered:

"Jaimeth"  --uses the common "e" in both your names.  Spells out all of
   Jaime's name, giving him prominence in the word.  This obeys the
   law of nature that the man is superior to the woman.  Pronounced
   "High meth".

"Baimeth" --encloses most of Jaime inside Beth, which seems very likely
   to be a common occurrence, nudge nudge, wink wink.  At least I would
   hope so, for Jaime's sake.  Pronounced "Buy meth".  Both of these
   "meth" pronunciations are probably inappropriate for a recovering
   crack whore like Beth.  Whoops, did I write that out loud?

"Baithme" --pronounce it "bathe me" and it's just silly.  So I like it.

"Jaibeth" --pronounced "Hi Beth".  This is probably said a lot in Real
   Life, so it may serve.

"Jaith" --pronounced "heyth", it's the second shortest word on this list
   and is appealing because it cuts keystrokes down to a minimal level
   while still maintaining some sense.  I like this because I usually
   have only a limited amount of time to post to Usenet between filling
   customer's prescription orders.

"BJ" --pronounced "blowjob", it is the shortest word on the list and the
   easiest to type.  Using their initials alone saves time.  However, it
   can be easily misunderstood by readers not familiar with the
   Jaime/Beth unit.

Feedback on any of these suggestion is encouraged, and any new
suggestions would be welcome.  Followups have been set to, where this should have stayed in the first place.

Captain Infinity
 ..."If the Flintstones have taught us anything, it's that
     pelicans can be used to mix cement." --Homer Simpson

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