Subject: Re: Ever literally fall asleep during a movie? Date: Mon, 13 Dec 1999 13:24:24 -0500 (EST) From: email@example.com (Mr. Hole) Organization: WebTV Subscriber Message-ID: <17087-385539D8firstname.lastname@example.org> Newsgroups: alt.fan.tom-servo,rec.arts.movies.current-films,alt.fan.mrclean Sergey Bukhman <email@example.com> wrote: >WWS wrote: >>I slept through most of the second >>Jurassic Park movie. > >Haven't seen that, but I did fall asleep at >"Dracula: Dead and Loving It". >And it was my birthday too! You folks need to learn Popcorn management skills! I've never fallen asleep in a movie theatre, not once; well maybe when I was just a toddler... Staying awake at the Movies is often a problem when one doesn't know the proper techniques for eating their grub while watching the flicker show. Here's a check list to help you get started: Step 1. Know the movies' length. This is very important, it will help you determine exactly how much food you need to purchase.  ------------ 1 hour and a 30 minute films: most Comedies fit this category so you won't have to buy in bulk. What to buy: 1 Small Popcorn 1 Candy treat 1 Small carbonated beverage -------------- 2 hour films: most Dramas fit into this category, as do Big-budget Action films. What to buy: 1 Medium Popcorn 1 Order of Pretzel-bites, or Nachos 1 Medium carbonated beverage Candy optional ---------------- Films that exceed 2 and a 1/2 hours or more: Oscar contenders or Kevin Costner films fit this category. What to buy: 1 Hot Dog 1 Large Popcorn 1 Order of Pretzel-bites, or Nachos 1 Large carbonated beverage Now this is where it can get tricky, if the line at the Concession-stand is busy the teenager working behind the counter may gyp you. So what can you do? Try to pick a plump worker, they're more likely to fill your bag of Popcorn adequately. If you ask the worker nicely he/she will top off the bag or fill your beverage until its full; however, you MUST watch them closely... sometimes a worker is angered by your request, and gives you "special additives"!! --------------- Step 2. Setting up: Something that's important in the art of "Popcorn management" is refusing the temptation to eat your food before the film starts. It is crucial that you wait until the final preview has run and the animated "Feature Presentation" reel is seen. >"But if I do that my munchies will get >cold?" Yes they will, to avoid this you should take as many Napkins from the concession-stand as is humanly possible! Then once you are seated proceed to wrap you food tightly, use at least four layers on each item. For the Popcorn: drap four or five open napkins over the opening, then place two piles of about twenty napkins over them to prevent the heat from escaping. -------------- Step 3. Eating... or Staying awake: Even with the shortest films you mustn't consume all your foodstuffs at once. Dole it out a little at a time, for instance: if you're seeing an Al Pacino film eat a little bit every time Al's character yells. If you're seeing an Adam Sandler film eat something every time there's a joke... oh wait, there are no jokes in an Adam Sandler movie, you'd never get to eat if you did that! I'm sorry, ignore that last one. Step 4. All done: When the film is over and you're still wide awake deposit your trash in the closest receptacle, take your bundle of unused napkins home with you, and repeat this process during your next trip to the cinema!  All food purchases are for one person only , if you share your food with others increase every item by two.  Unless you're a major Fat-ass, then you should ignore all recommendations and allow that BOTTOMLESS PIT you call a stomach to dictate what you consume. Mr. Hole: The Imperial Wizard, King of Righteous Thought This post may cause DROWSINESS, ALCOHOL may intensify this effect, use care when operating dangerous machinery. "Not only is Santa a lie, he will ravage you sexually, drink your blood and drag your palpating carcasses down to Hell with him!" -Americhrist Ltd. How's your hole..........family? williwaw Cronan 1979-1999
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