From: firstname.lastname@example.org.YADDA (Riboflavin Monkey) Subject: A sad story... Date: 16 Nov 1999 00:00:00 GMT Message-ID: <email@example.com> Organization: Monkeys for wearing pants Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.fan.tom-servo FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND By Riboflavin D. Monkey I arrived at home for lunch, as I was too lazy to pack a lunch before I left for work. I walked in the door to my apartment, carefully dodging the two large garbage bags filled with empty bottles. I rummaged through the apartment looking for something to eat when I found a box of Au Gratin Potatoes. Or as pronounced by the unwashed masses, "AWG ROTTEN." I began cooking these, not realizing they take a half of a freakin hour to cook. Stupid idea, but I have nothing else to cook. The phone rings. I hesitate. Should I answer? Or let the machine get it? I answer. No one responds. I repeat, "Hello? Hello. Hello? HELLO!" Still no answer. I look at the caller ID. "Out of Area". I hang up. ( This paragraph is meant to be a false scare. If it didn't work, it's still good enough to be a Hollywood Horror Moving Picture. ) My lunch is done. I realize I have ten minutes to eat everything and get back to work. I eat as fast as i can, burning my mouth, tongue, and somehow, i burn my teeth. I finish. i get up and put the dishes in the sink. Realizing I only have a few minutes until I must leave, I decide to finish the dishes when I get home. So I sit on the couch to put my shoes on when I hear a sound that is familiar to ripping carpet off a floor, or a rather muffled flatulent noise. No, I didn't fart. I DIDN'T!!11! WHOEVER SMELT IT DEALT IT!1! I feel suddenly cooler, a cool breeze running down my leg. It feels... refreshing. But then I realize that something is wrong. I stand up, and walk into the bedroom. I look in the mirror. Right there! I have found the Grand Canyon of pants! HAW HAW MY PANTS SPLIT RIGHT IN TWO!!!11!1 And I liked it. But, I had to go back to work, so I WENT TO WORK WITH NO PANTS! I WIN! The funeral for my pants will be tonight at 7:00 pm, Eastern. -rm
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