Tae Kwon Peep

(Wayland's Ghost)

Note: Quoting has been edited in this post.

Subject:      Re: Wife mind? (Re: Happy Birthday Tyler)
Date:         Tue, 06 Aug 2002 08:50:26 -0400
From:         Wayland's Ghost <terminalwriter@hotmail.com>
Organization: The League of Dead Scienticians
Message-ID:   <3D4FC612.B785EB6E@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups:   alt.fan.tom-servo

"Plain, Simple, Blackhawk." wrote:

> That would be silly since I long ago expressed that I prefer to use my
> voice where I believe it will do some good. Sorry if that still offends
> you, but by now I'd think you'd get over that.

Ah. So the silent voice speaks the loudest. How very zen?

Blackhawk: Approach, KPS Members. Close the circle at the feet of the
master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path
of Ti Kwan Peep. But, be warned: To learn its ways, you must learn the
ways of your own soul. Let us meditate upon this wisdom now. So:

KPS Member1 (Lori): Uh, sir! Sir! (oo! oo!) Sir! 

Blackhawk: Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the
stillness of the pond? 

Lori: Me! Lori? 

Blackhawk: Lori? 

Lori: Yeah, uh, no disrespect or nothin', but, like, uh, how long is
this gonna take? 

Blackhawk: Ti Kwan Peep is not a path to a door, but a road leading
forever towards the horizon. 

Lori: So like, what, an hour or so? 

Blackhawk: No, no, we have not even begun upon the path. Lori, you must
learn patience. 

Lori: Yeah yeah yeah, patience. How long will that take? 

Blackhawk: Time has no meaning. To a true KPS Member, a year is as a

Lori: A YEAR??? I wanna troll people's asses right now! I got the
server! Hah woo yah ooomm! 

Blackhawk: "Troll people's asses"...? 

Lori: Yeah! Just show me all those nifty memes so I can start trashing
Bozo! That's all I came here for! YO ASTA STA STA!!! Pretty good, ey? 

Blackhawk: The only use of Ti Kwan Peep is self-preservation. Do you
know who said that? Kap Lo Ni, the great Troller. 

Lori: Yeah? Well the best defense is a good offense, you know who said
that? Mel, the cook on "Alice". 

Blackhawk: No, um...Ti Kwan Peep is the Khan Bud of purity, not the
schwag of hostility. Meditate upon this truth with us. Aaaaoooommm... 

Lori: Listen, liberal! All this weird talk is really starting to hurt my
brane. Now, are you gonna show me some fancy memes, or am I gonna start
flaming the froup with you? 

Blackhawk: Lori, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Peep. Approach me that you
might see. 

Lori: All right! Finally some action! (IYKWIM AITYD)

Blackhawk: Observe closely, froup. Peep to the Thread! (SH-ZOOMP!) 

Lori (drunkenly): Owww! You Peeped me in the Thread! 

Blackhawk: You are lucky, Lori. Few novices experience so much of Ti
Kwan Peep so soon. 

Lori (quietly, to herself): Ow, oh, my Thread! 

Blackhawk: Now we continue. Aaaaaoooommmm... 

Lori: Hey! Hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now leftist, huh? Come
on, are ya a purple bunny? 

Blackhawk: Peep to the Thread! (SH-ZOOMP!) 

Lori (again, drunkenly): Oww! Okay, now I'm ready, okay, now, come on,
try it now. 

Blackhawk: Peep to the Thread! (SH-ZOOMP!) 

Lori: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute? 

Blackhawk: Now froup, we shall return to our... 

KPS Member2: Master? 

Blackhawk: It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, KPS Member. 

KPS Member2: Many apologies, master. But I feel Lori is not wholly

Blackhawk: What do you mean? 

KPS Member2: I want to Peep some Thread, too. 

Blackhawk: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Lori? 

KPS Member2: Yes, master. I have learned two things. First, that anger
is a weapon only to one's opponent. 

Blackhawk: Very good. 

KPS Member2: And secondly, get in the first shot. Peep to the Thread.

Blackhawk: You missed. 

KPS Member2: Uh, yeah. Well... 

Blackhawk: You too shall be honored to learn a lesson... 

KPS Member2: You don't have to, you know. I-I gotta be going... 

Blackhawk: Peep to the Thread! (SH-ZOOMP!) 

KPS Member2 : (agonizing pain) Oyyy oy oyyyy.... Oh.... 

Blackhawk: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here? 

KPS Member3: Uh, yes, master. Not a single one of us could defeat you. 

Blackhawk: You gain wisdom, child. 

KPS Member3: So we'll hafta gang up on ya! Get 'im guys! 

(Blackhawk throws many 'Peep to the Thread!s' and 'SH-ZOOMP!s'. There
are many people groaning in pain.)

Blackhawk: And now froup, let us rejoin the mind to the body and gaze
into the heart of the candle in meditation. 

Unison: Aaaaaoooommm.... 

Blackhawk: Very good, froup. 

> > Oh but wait, we can't have *that*, now can we?
> If you'd add some California cheap shots or Clinton bashing to the irony
> maybe you could embarrass me into doing what you want. Probably not
> though, if I was that easy to troll I'd post more often.

Eh. California and Clinton basing are easy. Blaming Clinton for
California's existance is the hard part.

Wayland's Ghost
...Dole in 2008!

Return to the Kamikaze Peep Squad.

Return to Selected Usenet Posts.